New Morning Routine...and Tea

It's morning.  I've been up for a while, which is a shock to most who know me well.  The fact that I'm up before 9am is a minor miracle.  The fact that I'm not cranky and crabby on top of it may make some people who know me who brainwashed me, because this isn't what I'm normally like.  I'm the lazy mom that rolls out of bed last minute and does as little in the possible in the morning, generally because I stay up all night.

Over the past few days I've been experimenting with a new sleep routine.  I don't sleep in anymore.  I'm trying desperately not to let myself get out of bed after 7am.  It's been working out great.  I'm up when my kids get up, and I'm surprisingly not crabby.  Next week I think I may try and bump it earlier by a half hour and then again the week after that so I'll be getting up at 6am.  Then I'll have enough time to do yoga in the morning before the kids wake up.

Yoga is one of those things I used to do in the mornings way back when I still worked at the eyeglass company.  I would have to get up at 5am in order to have time in the morning, and there was barely room.  We were staying with a friend in his living room.  We had an air mattress out and slept on that, but that took up so much room that it was hard to find space to do yoga.  I would have to keep it really quiet because my daughter and her father were asleep.  I would do an hour of yoga, eat a light breakfast, then walk to the station to catch the 7am train.  Every morning I would show up almost two hours early for work or more, but waiting for a later train would leave me a half hour late, so there wasn't much in the way of option there.  I'd spend my time waiting with a good book, eating a horrible breakfast from the fast-food joint in the food court or hanging out at the coffee shop with some tea or hot chocolate.  It wasn't much of a fancy ritual or anything, but it was my ritual each morning, and I loved it.

There's just something about yoga in the morning.  It's invigorating and wakes up the body, sure, but there's something more to it.  It's not just gentle stretching and strengthening.  It's also meditative.  There's something about moving through the poses, focusing on the inner thoughts and the actual feelings and sensations in the body (and in all honesty here, I'm thinking, "My body is SO not flexible enough for that!")  I feel more connected to myself when I do yoga, more present in my own physical form, more aware of everything going on in my own person.  It's wonderful.

All of that ended the first time when I broke my elbow.  After three months of not being able to do much of anything followed by almost a year of being unable to do yoga because I didn't have the strength, I got out of the habit.  It's so easy to get lazy about things, even when it's something enjoyable.  I tried on a couple of occasions to get back into it, but I never really did.  I've heard that it takes 21 days to make a new habit, good or bad, and I've never been able to last out that three week period before.  After a couple of days I'm making excuses about not having enough time for yoga, which is largely true when I get up to a house full of bustling activities, everyone already doing their own things for the day.  There's no peaceful, quiet time for me to focus on yoga.  Even if I shut myself in my room, the kids come in demanding this or that.  They don't exactly make it easy.  Besides, once the day is rolling, it's often easy to drop things off the schedule when things get hectic, and it's all too easy to make excuses of being too busy or tired.

Of course, getting up before the kids is a ritual in the making.  It's going to involve cleaning my living room so I can have a space to do yoga.  It will mean getting my yoga  mat out of the closet.  I'll have to start waking up consistently about an hour earlier each day.  It's going to take some time to get there, but I have a goal.  From there it's keeping up with it for 21 days so it becomes habit, and hopefully after that it will be so much easier to get up to in the morning.  That's going to be my first goal, last out 21 days of daily yoga.

On another note, nothing says morning like tea.  Tea and yoga kind of go hand-in-hand.  Most of the people I know who do yoga are also big tea drinkers.  It's probably got to do with yoga and tea both being healthy for you, so one would imagine that would be a good combination.  It's a great way to wake up in the morning, and truth be told, I like it better than coffee.  I've never been much of a coffee drinker anyway.  That's what I'm doing this morning.  Sitting at my computer, drinking some tea.  My cabinet is full of tea.  I've got so much tea it's almost shocking, considering most of it's never even been touched.  It's time I made tea a part of my morning ritual too.  It's probably a lot healthier for me than most of my other morning routines!  At least I can say it's good for me!

All in all, I think I'm taking a positive step forward in my life.  Most mornings I've woken up crabby, just wanting to be left alone only to be ambushed by children that want my attention, and haven't been getting it since I've been sleeping.  Even having someone else get up with the kids in the morning doesn't seem to stop the madness when I finally get up.  Now I'm less cranky in the morning, more focused, and much happier.  I don't know if it's the quality of sleep I've been getting or if it's got to do with the much quieter pace in the morning, but I'm feeling so much more approachable.  It leaves me with a couple of hours to get myself collected in the morning too.  I can spend some time on the computer, reading a book, or even just sitting to meditate by myself for a while before my day needs to get rolling.  It leaves me to feel less rushed when I finally do have to get up and go do something.  I guess, in a way, I feel so much more balanced, and I'm continuing to follow that path.

Exhaustion and the Reset Button

I think my baby is trying to give me a message.  For the past few weeks he's made it difficult to sleep in my own bed.  He seems to want to sleep in a room alone.  The moment anyone else enters, he's awake.  This means if I sleep on the couch, I'm fine.  If I try to sleep in my bed, I end up spending the whole night up trying to get him back to sleep.  It's been rough on all of us.

Last night things kind of got to the point where no one could really deal with it.  Thankfully the older kids were able to sleep through it, but the little one woke up and did nothing but scream no matter what we did for two hours!  By the time we finally did get him to sleep, my partner and I were arguing because we were both so tired, stressed, and exhausted.  It got to the point where he stormed out, waking up the baby again, and I finally gave up and got out of bed to start looking for work.  I was half convinced he wasn't going to come back when he finally came in.  We talked things out briefly, and I went to bed.

I have to say, sleep was more blissful than any I've had in a while.  I only got a couple of hours, but it was better than nothing.  I was sent back to bed for a nap because I needed one, but I couldn't really sleep for more than a few minutes at a time with my partner being on the phone with his dad and later his mom.  We've figured out what part of his problem finding a job.  His mom messed up his credit pretty severely, so I couldn't just relax while he was talking that out with her.  It's probably for the best since it would completely mess up my sleep cycle again.

I think I have to thank my little baby boy.  He's really setting the reset button on my sleep patterns.  I'm so exhausted that I could probably sleep if I went to bed right now.  I'm not going to because it's still a bit early for that.  If I start that pattern I'm never going to be able to stay up for dance classes, but at least I know when I go to bed, I'll actually be tired and I might just find a way to sleep.

Today's Wisdom Card?  "There is a solution to every problem."  Yeah, I've had to keep reminding myself of this one.  "We create habits and problems to fulfill a need.  When I can find a positive way to fill the need, I can release the problem."  I honestly think I need to start looking at some of the needs in my life that are causing problems.  I need to reassess how I handle those needs.  For example, my biggest problem is the sleep thing.  I have a need for my mind to be active so I can handle everything I have on my plate.  Unfortunately, not sleeping is creating more of a problem in itself.   I need to remind myself that being well rested is the best way I can help myself think my way through the other list of problems I'm having right now.

Today's I Can Do It Card reads, "The joy I find in my career is reflected in my overall happiness."  I suppose that one is an interesting statement right now!  I'm not sure how much joy I'm feeling in my career!  "I have unlimited potential.  Only good lies before me."  Okay, this one I need to post to every surface I look at regularly.  That way I can remind myself of it all the time!

Lack of Sleep

My idea was to have a good, regular, predictable routine by now.  I wanted to have a regular sleep schedule!  I need to be a more normal kind of person.

It's starting to seem more and more by the day that I'm just meant to be up all night.  My natural and comfortable sleep schedule has me up until five or six a.m.  I'm inclined to sleep all day.   It's just craziness, but I feel happiest when I'm keeping that sleep schedule.

I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me.  Having a sleep schedule like that is in no way realistic.  I have a feeling changing it is going to be quite the challenge...