I know drama seems to be the catch-phrase of people my age and younger. In other times these people would be referred to as being gossips, selfish, back-biting, and greedy. I don't ever recall my mom or my aunts referring to a situation or a person as "just a lot of drama". I'm sure it may have happened, but it seems to be a new phrase that's used to explain the kind of fiasco you expect to see on Jerry Springer.
For the most part, I try to avoid these kinds of people. I don't like the people who gossip behind each others backs. I don't like people who use other people. Most of all, I don't like all the cheating, lying, and stealing that you hear of around here. I'm just not that kind of person. I like my life to be calm and peaceful and I like the people in my life to share that same belief. It's a lot easier to maintain your own grounded sense of calm when the people around you share that same focus. As a result, I've tried to attract people into my life that live in a smooth, relaxed kind of way, even if they are busy with hectic and sometimes chaotic lives.
I didn't even realize how much I wanted this until I'd met with the local homeschool co-op. I spent every afternoon after the co-op ended talking with other mothers about purely enjoyable things. I got to hear stories of adventures in other countries and challenges other parents faced. I was able to enjoy sharing my own passions in life, which was absolutely wonderful. It was relaxed and casual. Unlike other visits with friends that really were a lot of drama, when I left I felt pretty good about myself. Often times I got home feeling like I could take on the world because I'd actually had a really good time.
This wasn't the only place I'd run into people who were so grown-up and civil. When I went out to the local knitting group I found it was much the same. The people there were wonderful. I guess I just didn't realize how much it meant to me until I started going to the co-op, seeing my kids enjoy time with other kids their own age while I got to enjoy being an adult. There was something about the experience that woke me up.
A light was shone on the other people in my life. I started to realize how I'd surrounded myself with a group of immature people who acted like they'd never left high school. It's not so much that these people were horrible people, but they were gossips and were looking out for their own desires. They were always number one in their books, even if what they were doing wasn't ethical in the least.
Two of these people had a very similar mentality. It was all about their bottom line. It was all about how they could benefit. In many cases it was all about how they could get money out of us, be it money for food, money for gas, or whatever it may be. It's all about getting something out of helping us, and the more they can get, the more willing they are to help.
In other cases, sadly, it was the green eyed beast that took other friends. They were jealous of us. For whatever reason, they seemed to think that we had it made. I have the perfect man, the perfect family, and the perfect life. This isn't exactly something I've seen with one or two friends. It's sadly common. They talk about how incredibly wonderful Chesh is (without seeing all the rough times we've suffered through) and how I'm so lucky to have him. They tell me my kids are so wonderful, even though they never see them when they've got me at wit's end and completely worn into the ground. I keep hearing how we have everything, yet they don't seem to see that for so long we didn't have a car or we were living off what little we could scrape together because Chesh was out of work or didn't make enough at his job. They never saw how hard I had to work at everything without very much help, and when I did get help, half the time I was charged an arm and a leg for it, or it came at some other extreme cost.
With these sorts of people, often times they didn't look at what they had. It wasn't uncommon for them to receive help from their family, or live with their family when they had nowhere to go. Friends and family were often giving them gifts of things when they needed it, or giving them rides without receiving anything in return. They could go eat with other people when they didn't have money for food, or people would gift them a car and in some cases even pay for all the needed repairs to make the car run well again. These free hand-outs were often ignored because I had something they wanted, be it children, a significant other, or whatever else it may be. They don't see that there are things other people could be jealous of in their lives. It's one of those "the grass is greener" moments.
I'm just not willing to put up with all of that anymore. I don't need "friends" in my life that are just trying to help me out so they can get something out of it. I don't need friends that are going to make my life more difficult because of their own jealousy, whether it's by avoidance, being cruel, or otherwise trying to interfere with my life. I don't need friends that are going to be gossips and back-biters. My life will be of a much higher quality without that kind of negative influence in my life.
It's not easy to have to walk away from people I liked to consider my friends. It's not easy to walk away from people who were such a huge part of my social support network. These people filled a void in my life for a very long time, but I just don't need them anymore.
Instead of having people like that, I'm finding people that are more on my level. I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but most of the people in our lives are younger than me, and in many cases, Chesh too. That's not out of choice, but more situation. They tend to be the people we've ended up exposed to, so that's where our friendships come from. They tend to match in maturity to their ages. However, now I'm finding I prefer people who are closer to my own age, and definitely closer to my own situation. I don't even mean people who are in a rough financial spot. It's more that I prefer people who are also parents, preferably homeschooling parents, but I'm not exclusive on that. The people Chesh and I need to be surrounding ourselves with, and truthfully enjoy more are mature, responsible people who really understand that life is about living, not about the details. Sure, we may be stuck on a lot of details in our own lives right now, but that will pass, and I think everyone realizes that these phases happen. Bad things happen to good people, then they get better and everyone moves on.
On a deeper level, I think we've been experiencing a lot of problems because of the people we've surrounded ourselves with. Instead of focusing on positive people and keeping ourselves in a positive direction, we've surrounded ourselves with a lot of people who bring negative stresses into our lives and bring us down. If the world really does work in the way that what you put out is what you get in return, then we've been getting exactly what we deserve, if nothing else then because we've been immersing ourselves in so much negativity brought on us by the people we surround ourselves with. I've noticed that when we focus on surrounding ourselves with good, positive people, we all end up a lot happier, and in reflection a lot more good comes into our lives. This should be a signal that we should change our crowd and work harder on the people and families that we find uplifting.
I have a feeling things are going to change for us. We're going to be facing much more positive in our lives. Whenever you cut out the dead weight, things suddenly seem so much brighter. I've noticed that when things seem brighter, often times they often keep with the trend of actually being brighter. Letting go of these people might just be that magic solution we needed. We'll be taking a step forward in our lives. Maybe walking away from the people who have been holding us back is exactly what we needed to bring ourselves a little more happiness, and with that happiness, we'll finally start seeing things turn around for the better again. It's only a matter of time.
Who knew finding hope and a positive outlook would be as simple as walking away from the people who have brought us so much pain, negativity, and conflict? Who knew that would be all it takes to at least feel like things might just be turning around? I feel better already, and our situation hasn't changed, just the people involved in our lives have.
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