Preconceived Notions and Perfection

So all the mosaics went up and the kids are happily able to display their art.  I have to admit, I used to say I never wanted to be one of those moms that had their kids' artwork everywhere.  I had some strange image in my mind of having a house with all the right decor and everything looking just so.  There were going to be couches, end tables, and a television stand in my living room.  The dining room would have a fancy cabinet just for dishes.  The kitchen would be fairly barren aside from appliances.  The bedrooms would have their own perfectionist style to them, my daughter with a girlish metal framed bed in white with a white matching dresser and night stand set, perhaps a matching white desk to work on.  There would be pretty curtains that would match the linens on her bed.  My older boy would have his own room done up in something he enjoyed, probably in natural woods with some kind of theme like space.  The baby would have a room all done up in animals.  Their rooms would all match up just so.  My own room would have a beautiful matching bedroom set.  I had all these great ideas, ideas that wouldn't allow for a child's artwork.  It would take away from the fancy perfectionist look of the whole house.

Looking at my son's bird mosaic sitting up on the wall, I've come to realize that I've been missing out so much in life.  My attachment to perfectionism has limited myself and will undoubtedly be limiting my children as well.  I shouldn't forbid them from displaying their hard worked on projects throughout the house because they're not good enough by the standards I would hold an adult too!  Of course I can't expect my daughter to paint a masterpiece!  She's only seven!  I can't expect my son to create some beautiful drawing worthy of a museum!  He's not even four!  I can't even live up to those expectations!  If I were to continue on that vein, I'd never have artwork on my walls, not ever!  I don't even have a single photo on display.  It makes me realize just how impersonal my house is.  Even if I lived up to those home decorating standards of perfection, yes, my house would have a dramatic sense of style and would be something to put in a magazine, but who needs a show house?  Wouldn't it be better to have a home that looks lived in?  Isn't it better to show some sense of personality, to allow for things that my perfectionist side wants to rebel against?


I think this is one of the conflicts my partner and I have had.  He wants to put up band posters, movie posters, license plates, and other things on the wall.  I look at it all up there and want to scream.  It looks like a teenager's room, not an adult's living space.  Yes, we have my masks up on the wall, but now I also have a set of fairy wings I wore for Halloween a couple years back and a couple butterfly ornaments.  We've got a beautiful dragon picture that I bought years ago, but we've also got a stack of stuffed pandas that my partner gave me and a miniature from his favorite video game series.  The wall next to our television has our game controllers and accessories for EA Sports Active hung there for easy access and to get them neatly out of the way.  We've got pink Christmas lights strung up around the ceiling.  I have to admit, it kind of looks tacky, but at the same time, it's got a lot of expression.  You certainly can't say our home doesn't have personality!


I've come to realize that as much as I love my idea of self expression and have no problems dying my hair wild colors, I really have this sense of conformity.  I have this sense of how things are supposed to look.  I can't just wear clothes I like.  They have to fit with an aesthetic style and they have to match with my hair color and style of the season.  I can't just put whatever I want up on my walls.  It has to fit some preconceived notion of the way things are supposed to look.  I can't be happy with crazy, miss-matched stuff.  Everything is supposed to fit into a particular aesthetic.


I guess one thing I've learned from my children's art is that I really have to release myself from the expectations others have put on me.  Go crazy every once in a while!  Be bold!  Be dramatic!  Throw a random splash of color into things!  Be free to clash!  Who cares what the rest of the world thinks?