Self-Image

I've been thinking a lot about image lately.  Isn't image kind of a part of mental health?  When you look good, you feel good.  That's something we all need to consider.

I've come under criticism in the past about caring too much about my self-image.  I don't exactly put a lot of time into my appearance.  As much as I was told dreads would be a whole lot more work, I've found that it's turned into a massive time-saver!  I wish I'd done this years ago!  I don't spend time on make-up every day.  I make a bit of an effort on what I wear and I don't have a problem spending money on having nice clothes.  I'm not like some women out there that spend a good deal of time on their image every day, but it seems like there's this unwritten law that moms can't spend time on their appearance until their children are older.  I just don't get that.

One of the major things I've noticed is when I look good, I feel good.  When I feel good, I'm a better mom to my kids, a better friend to have around, and a better partner to whatever relationship I've got going at the time.  When I'm happy, the world around me is impacted in a positive way.  Shouldn't that alone be a reason to take a little extra time and money for my appearance?  And it's really not that much time at all.  It would be a bath once a month (because sometimes showers just don't cut it!), wearing nice clothes, or at least clothes that I like, and spending all of a couple minutes putting my hair up in the morning in some way that looks cute.

So, why do this?  I'm kind of stuck looking in the mirror several times each day.  Every time I go into the master bathroom, the bathroom I actually go out of my way to use, I see the mirror right as I walk in the door.  Public restrooms often have mirrors that can't easily be avoided as well.  It means several times each day I catch my own reflection.  That's not even counting the dark shadowed figure I see reflected in the monitor of my laptop, my phone, and on occasion the television.  Each of those moments can be a moment of knowing I look good, or looking at myself and thinking, "Wow, I've really let myself go."  It really does change your perspective, even if you don't care much about your appearance.

The same goes for what I'm wearing each day.  When you put clothing on you know you're going to see it all day long.  Comfort is a must, of course.  When you're comfortable you feel good too!  However, looking at yourself in sweats and a beat-up t-shirt doesn't exactly inspire a feeling of greatness.  Maybe that's why I've always leaned away from sweat pants and always go for cute and fashionable t-shirts.  I just can't stand the idea that maybe I'm starting to let go of caring a little too much.

Then there's the external half of it.  It feels really nice to get a compliment on your outfit at the supermarket.  I've gotten more compliments on my hair with the wool dreads than I can count.  While I've gotten significantly less without the woolies, I still get a lot of positive feedback.  On top of that, regardless of gender people who look nice tend to get more of a positive reaction from strangers wherever they go.  When I take the time to look nice before going out I get more smiles from strangers, and those smiles are infectious!

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the next plague of man was the smile?  It would certainly mean that people feel better wherever they go.  Grocery shopping wouldn't seem like such a hassle.  Running errands wouldn't seem like such a chore.  Then they'd take that energy home and share it with their families and the plague would continue, infecting one after the other.  It could so easily come from something as simple as taking the time to dress in a way that makes you smile or do your hair up in that cute way that you love so much.

I think that's also a vital point that most people forget.  It's not about what other people like, it's about what I like.  When I put my dreads up in too cute little pigtails, it's practical because my hair is up and out of my way, and I look at it and think, "That's such a cute hair style!"  Other people might look at me and think I'm too old for pigtails.  Someone else might look at them and think the "typical male response" of handle bars.  Others might look at it and think how much they really hate that hair style for whatever reason.  None of that matters.  All that matters is that I think it's cute.  The same goes for my style of dress.  The same goes for makeup, or in my case a lack of makeup more often than not.  When I look good, I feel good.  When I feel good, I view the world differently.  When I see the world differently, I treat the people and things in that world differently.  It's a cascade effect that comes from nothing more than being myself.

This is something I've decided I need to put more thought into.  I need to start creating a self-image that makes me smile.  I need to start dressing the way I enjoy dressing.  I need to wear my hair the way I like it.  I need to carry myself in the way I choose.  After all, I can't worry about other people taking me seriously.  If I take myself seriously other people will see past what's on the outside and take me seriously too.

You know, I think that's a lot of the problem with people in alternative communities not being taken seriously.  When you walk into a job interview with piercings, funky colored hair, and gobs of black eyeliner topped with the attitude of superiority or the underlying thought that they won't hire you because of the way you look, well, guess what?  They're not going to hire you.  All they see is a rebellious troublemaker that's going to give them problems.  However, I've seen a woman walk into an interview at a very professional office with black and purple hair, over-the top black eyeliner and matching lip stick, long acrylic nails painted black, dressed in a black suit that wasn't exactly the most business looking in cut, with piercings up her ears, in her nose and eyebrow, big crazy rings (though admittedly smaller than I've seen her wear), and a big Gothic cross necklace and still walk away with the job.  Why?  She conducted herself in a professional, serious, and friendly way during the interview.  She wasn't changing who she was or acting in any way different.  She just went in there with confidence and showed a genuine portrayal of herself.  She was requested to tone down the look a little for work, but she still got the job.  If she had gone in there with a bad attitude trying to keep the goth image rather than just be herself as a woman trying to get a job, I doubt they would have hired her at all!

Of course, in some areas of the world it's not that easy if you stand out.  There's a lot of places that aren't accepting of piercings, tattoos, and crazy hair here in Texas, but not all of it is that much of a challenge, and companies are growing more and more accepting of self-expression by the day.  On top of that, if you don't make a big deal out of things, people are more likely not to notice.  For example, I had a friend who knew me for six months and when I got the second hole in my lip he thought they were both new!  I think he might not have even noticed if I hadn't pointed it out.  I can't count the number of people who don't realize I wear two gauge earrings in my ears.  I think most people would easily forget about the dreads too, were the colors not so shocking and bright.  Even if they did, it's something easy to tone down the appearance of with creative use of a scarf or wearing a pretty beret.  It's all a matter of what you make of it.

I've thought about this a lot on the whole image for a profession thing too.  A friend of mine was saying she didn't feel like she looked like an artist.  There are times I feel like I don't look like a belly dancer.  I know there have been people who haven't taken me seriously as a mom because I don't look like a mom.  I've heard friends complain that their job doesn't take them seriously because they don't look like tech support, IT, an accountant, you name it.  They feel like they have to adopt some expected look to fit in and succeed.  Unfortunately, by doing that you not only are promoting stereotypes, but you're also not being true to yourself!  Perhaps the reason these people (myself included) aren't taken seriously has more to do with taking themselves seriously.  It's about living the life, living the dream.  If you don't feel like other people will take you seriously as a corporate executive because you have a tattoo or an unconventional piercing, they're certainly not going to!  In my case, if I feel like people won't take me seriously as a belly dancer because I've got piercings, tattoos, dreads, and funky colored hair, they're not going to!  If I feel like I'm not going to be taken seriously as a mom because I don't wear mom jeans, t-shirts, have piercings, a tattoo, and crazy funky colored hair, people aren't going to take me seriously!

Suddenly the world has changed.  I've started owning who I am, funky hair and all.  I don't pay attention to it when I go out.  I don't even notice my piercings to the point where I got the deer in the headlights look when someone asked me why I decided to get my nose pierced "on the wrong side" because I couldn't even remember why I'd done it, and didn't even put much consideration to it.  People don't treat me like I have funky colored hair when I'm not calling attention to it myself.  The way I dress doesn't really catch much attention these days either, which is great because I can be comfortable and dress the way I love without having to worry how I'll be treated for it.  When I'm me for the sake of being me without a care in the world or putting any mental focus on how other people will view me, they treat me as though I'm no different than anyone else.  I'm just your average person, with a few quirky beliefs about life and a slightly more eccentric appearance than most.

Self-image is something I think we all need to focus on, not because we need to conform to some standard of society, but because we all need to accept our own beauty.  We need to create an image of ourselves that we love, something that inspires us, something that makes us happy.  It's time we all started caring about our self-image without worry about what society will think of us.  We're all beautiful people.  It's time we let our own inner beauty shine through.