Feeling off Track

I don't know what's been going on with me lately.  I've finally figured out where I want to be and what I want to be doing, but I feel like I'm totally missing the point.  I'm being sidetracked by things that really are important, but seem to be taking away from my goals.  It seems like I've somehow lost touch with the kind o person I want to be and somehow this stranger has intervened to take it's place.

This past week has been spent largely cleaning and organizing my house.  I've got all the science and nature books put on one shelf.  Another shelf is half history books, half coloring and craft books.  That frees up more room in my daughter's book shelves to keep the books she actually wants.  I'm hoping that will mean she can fit all of her chapter books and everything else.  It's amazing how much space is freed up just by organizing the books.  It helps to have all the books that relate to school in a place where they can all share them.

The living room book shelves started the journey.  I've been cleaning them from top to bottom.  The whole room looks so much nicer without all the crazy clutter, which means once I get all the books up off the floor and into the places they need to go, I can finally feel a bit better about having people over!  It's also nice to be able to find the books I want to read when I want to read them.  I've been doing a decent amount of reading lately.  It's nice to feel like I'm expanding my mind.

The reading I've been doing lately is different too.  I've been focusing on non-fiction reading.  I'm trying to develop a focus on things that relate to my life, spirituality, diet, parenting, and those sorts of topics.  It's been refreshing to sit back and read for a while without feeling guilty about it.  After all, reading isn't a guilty pleasure.  It's expanding my mind and helping to set a good example for my children.  It's a great way to relax too.

Still, in all of this I'm starting to feel like maybe my life is starting to get off track again.  I'm cleaning, reading, and taking care of my home, but what about my spirituality?  What about changing the patterns in my life?  What about becoming the person I want to be?  Am I going to lose some of that in my quest to get my physical surroundings up to par so we can maintain the status quo?  Or does that somehow relate into it all, that being a more "normal" family somehow will help me on my way to accepting my new life as Mommy above all else, putting aside any other labels?

It just feels like maybe I'm losing a part of myself in all of this, that somehow I'm missing something that's incredibly integral to who I am.  I just wish I knew what it was so I could take a step forward and truly embrace that part of my life.  I am who I am.  I just hope I'm not starting to lose sense of that.

Checking Coordinents

I'm finally getting back on track fitness-wise.  I'm noticing my stamina isn't at all what it used to be, but I'm starting to get back on track.  I'm starting to focus not so much on moving in general, but more on the movements themselves.  It's been a refreshing change.  I guess sometimes we focus so much on the act of doing that we stop to think about what we're doing, or how!  Or more importantly, why!

I've become so lost on the act of doing, keep moving, keep moving, that I forget about what needs to be done.  I have to do and do and do.  Maybe instead of running aimlessly into the woods, maybe I should stop and check my map and compass to figure out where I'm going.  It doesn't make sense to wander aimlessly and hope to get somewhere.

My life needs direction.  Things have started falling into place, so now I can stop and breathe a little bit.  I can take some time to refocus and find my direction.  It's time I start to take advantage of this moment of peace I have, even if it's not going to last for long!

Life is crazy and chaotic, but it's finding these moments of peace in all the chaos that really mean something.  It's time my life starts to get back on track.  I've got some time for it now, so I'm going to do the best I can!

Today's Wisdom Card?  "This world is our heaven on Earth."  "In the new millennium of the Aquarian Age, we are learning to go within to find our savior.  We are the power we are looking for.  Each one of us is totally linked with the Universe and with Life."  This message, as long as it is, really was perfect for me.  I'm really feeling it today.  This world really is my heaven on Earth, if I choose to make it that way.  I need to recognize that, "I am the change I wish to see in the world."  I need to live my life the way I see the world and my world will come along to join it.

On the I Can Do It Card?  "I direct my creative talents toward music, art, dance, writing - anything that gives me pleasure."  "I am learning to be more creative every day."  Yup, maybe that's a hint.  I've kind of been running away from art and focusing on business.  Honestly, it's time to change pace a bit.