Those Who Talk and Those Who Chat

My situation in life has given me a lot of thinking to do.  I've been kind of cooped up in the house for a while and I haven't had many people to talk to.  A lot of my friends I've either had to walk away from or have walked away from me for various reasons, and while I consider that a good thing (when I look at the people now absent from my life) it does tend to get lonely.

Someone I met recently suggested I should get online with social chats.  It would be a good way to talk to people and socialize.  I could make some friends that way and then I wouldn't be lonely all the time.  She highly suggested the chat server she was a part of.

Aside from the drama storm that took place when she was on her chat here, I've done a lot of thinking about the whole idea.  I mean, I've met a lot of people through chats over the years.  Some of them were better people than others.  Some of them turned out to be great people.  The drama seemed in many ways to be worth it for the socialization and the friends made.

Then I thought about it a bit deeper.  Chatting with people online is so much less fulfilling.  I mean, sure, there are a couple of friends where chatting online is nice, since we don't get to talk much otherwise, but for the most part, I find it pretty empty.  It's meaningless to talk to a bunch of other people I don't know and will likely never meet.  These bonds are weak at best and if you go a week without talking to them, they often tend to forget who you are.  It just doesn't seem like a deep and personal bond to me, unless you're talking about a local chat where you actually meet up with those people now and again.

In comparison, actual friends are very different.  We're talking about people you form a serious bond with.  True friends have been there in good times and in bad, and not just as text across a screen.  They're the people who give you hugs or listen to you talk on the phone for hours about the latest good or bad in your life because you just needed to share.  True friends try and find a way to help you out when they can, even if that's just in meeting you for coffee because you need to get out.  On top of it all, when you spend time with these friends, your social cup can fill to overflowing.  Neither of you may want to leave, but when you do you part ways feeling better about life.  You feel like you can go even longer without the need of a social fix.

I've come to realize that I need to have some real social interaction in my life.  Yes, I may feel lonely and stressed, but I'd rather have a good friend I can call or someone I can hang out with.  I want to have a community again.  I don't want to fill my time with endless conversations over a computer with people who are easy to bicker with because their friendships don't mean anything.  I'd rather chat online with a good friend that I just don't get to see very often.

Looking at all of that, I've realized what I need, and what I don't.  I don't need an empty world of online friends that share a cyber-universe with me.  I don't need a chat network to support me when I'm down.  What I really need are some good interpersonal interactions.  I need to start making an effort to get out, see people, and make new friends.  I need to be able to have an actual physical community of people I see on a regular basis, no matter what that regular basis may be.

I've started to work on that, in a way.  I go to my kids' homeschool co-op every Monday.  That gives me a bunch of moms to talk with.  True, I must look out of place there with my dreads and my piercings, but no one seems to care.  They're wonderful people.  I've also gone to the local knitting group in the past, and I really need to start going again.  I'm even considering taking quilting lessons.  I don't count my dance classes because, let's face it, it's a lot of work to be the teacher and it's not the best time to socialize and relax.  Even so, I think I really just need to get out there and meet people.  Otherwise, I'm just going to end up feeling lonely all the time.

It's really time I make a change in my life.  I need to surround myself with good people I enjoy sharing my time with.  I need to find some things that I enjoy doing too, after all, hobbies are a big part of a person's life.  Most importantly, I need to recognize that I deserve much better than an online group of people who will never truly know who I am.  I may have my online friends, my message board friends, and things like that, but they should all come secondary and be much less needed than the friends I actually talk with.  Internet friends can be useful in a lot of ways, but they'll never leave me feeling socially fulfilled.

I Just Had to Walk Away

I've been doing a lot of evaluating in my life, mostly of the people in my life.  I know there's a lot of talk in the community about drama, and honestly, I don't really believe in it.  Drama belongs on stage, not between people.  However, I've found that there are people in my life that create a lot of drama.

I know drama seems to be the catch-phrase of people my age and younger.  In other times these people would be referred to as being gossips, selfish, back-biting, and greedy.  I don't ever recall my mom or my aunts referring to a situation or a person as "just a lot of drama".  I'm sure it may have happened, but it seems to be a new phrase that's used to explain the kind of fiasco you expect to see on Jerry Springer.

For the most part, I try to avoid these kinds of people.  I don't like the people who gossip behind each others backs.  I don't like people who use other people.  Most of all, I don't like all the cheating, lying, and stealing that you hear of around here.  I'm just not that kind of person.  I like my life to be calm and peaceful and I like the people in my life to share that same belief.  It's a lot easier to maintain your own grounded sense of calm when the people around you share that same focus.  As a result, I've tried to attract people into my life that live in a smooth, relaxed kind of way, even if they are busy with hectic and sometimes chaotic lives.

I didn't even realize how much I wanted this until I'd met with the local homeschool co-op.  I spent every afternoon after the co-op ended talking with other mothers about purely enjoyable things.  I got to hear stories of adventures in other countries and challenges other parents faced.  I was able to enjoy sharing my own passions in life, which was absolutely wonderful.  It was relaxed and casual.  Unlike other visits with friends that really were a lot of drama, when I left I felt pretty good about myself.  Often times I got home feeling like I could take on the world because I'd actually had a really good time.

This wasn't the only place I'd run into people who were so grown-up and civil.  When I went out to the local knitting group I found it was much the same.  The people there were wonderful.  I guess I just didn't realize how much it meant to me until I started going to the co-op, seeing my kids enjoy time with other kids their own age while I got to enjoy being an adult.  There was something about the experience that woke me up.

A light was shone on the other people in my life.  I started to realize how I'd surrounded myself with a group of immature people who acted like they'd never left high school.  It's not so much that these people were horrible people, but they were gossips and were looking out for their own desires.  They were always number one in their books, even if what they were doing wasn't ethical in the least.

Two of these people had a very similar mentality.  It was all about their bottom line.  It was all about how they could benefit.  In many cases it was all about how they could get money out of us, be it money for food, money for gas, or whatever it may be.  It's all about getting something out of helping us, and the more they can get, the more willing they are to help.

In other cases, sadly, it was the green eyed beast that took other friends.  They were jealous of us.  For whatever reason, they seemed to think that we had it made.  I have the perfect man, the perfect family, and the perfect life.  This isn't exactly something I've seen with one or two friends.  It's sadly common.  They talk about how incredibly wonderful Chesh is (without seeing all the rough times we've suffered through) and how I'm so lucky to have him.  They tell me my kids are so wonderful, even though they never see them when they've got me at wit's end and completely worn into the ground.  I keep hearing how we have everything, yet they don't seem to see that for so long we didn't have a car or we were living off what little we could scrape together because Chesh was out of work or didn't make enough at his job.  They never saw how hard I had to work at everything without very much help, and when I did get help, half the time I was charged an arm and a leg for it, or it came at some other extreme cost.

With these sorts of people, often times they didn't look at what they had.  It wasn't uncommon for them to receive help from their family, or live with their family when they had nowhere to go.  Friends and family were often giving them gifts of things when they needed it, or giving them rides without receiving anything in return.  They could go eat with other people when they didn't have money for food, or people would gift them a car and in some cases even pay for all the needed repairs to make the car run well again.  These free hand-outs were often ignored because I had something they wanted, be it children, a significant other, or whatever else it may be.  They don't see that there are things other people could be jealous of in their lives.  It's one of those "the grass is greener" moments.

I'm just not willing to put up with all of that anymore.  I don't need "friends" in my life that are just trying to help me out so they can get something out of it.  I don't need friends that are going to make my life more difficult because of their own jealousy, whether it's by avoidance, being cruel, or otherwise trying to interfere with my life.  I don't need friends that are going to be gossips and back-biters.  My life will be of a much higher quality without that kind of negative influence in my life.

It's not easy to have to walk away from people I liked to consider my friends.  It's not easy to walk away from people who were such a huge part of my social support network.  These people filled a void in my life for a very long time, but I just don't need them anymore.

Instead of having people like that, I'm finding people that are more on my level.  I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but most of the people in our lives are younger than me, and in many cases, Chesh too.  That's not out of choice, but more situation.  They tend to be the people we've ended up exposed to, so that's where our friendships come from.  They tend to match in maturity to their ages.  However, now I'm finding I prefer people who are closer to my own age, and definitely closer to my own situation.  I don't even mean people who are in a rough financial spot.  It's more that I prefer people who are also parents, preferably homeschooling parents, but I'm not exclusive on that.  The people Chesh and I need to be surrounding ourselves with, and truthfully enjoy more are mature, responsible people who really understand that life is about living, not about the details.  Sure, we may be stuck on a lot of details in our own lives right now, but that will pass, and I think everyone realizes that these phases happen.  Bad things happen to good people, then they get better and everyone moves on.

On a deeper level, I think we've been experiencing a lot of problems because of the people we've surrounded ourselves with.  Instead of focusing on positive people and keeping ourselves in a positive direction, we've surrounded ourselves with a lot of people who bring negative stresses into our lives and bring us down.  If the world really does work in the way that what you put out is what you get in return, then we've been getting exactly what we deserve, if nothing else then because we've been immersing ourselves in so much negativity brought on us by the people we surround ourselves with.  I've noticed that when we focus on surrounding ourselves with good, positive people, we all end up a lot happier, and in reflection a lot more good comes into our lives.  This should be a signal that we should change our crowd and work harder on the people and families that we find uplifting.

I have a feeling things are going to change for us.  We're going to be facing much more positive in our lives.  Whenever you cut out the dead weight, things suddenly seem so much brighter.  I've noticed that when things seem brighter, often times they often keep with the trend of actually being brighter.  Letting go of these people might just be that magic solution we needed.  We'll be taking a step forward in our lives.  Maybe walking away from the people who have been holding us back is exactly what we needed to bring ourselves a little more happiness, and with that happiness, we'll finally start seeing things turn around for the better again.  It's only a matter of time.

Who knew finding hope and a positive outlook would be as simple as walking away from the people who have brought us so much pain, negativity, and conflict?  Who knew that would be all it takes to at least feel like things might just be turning around?  I feel better already, and our situation hasn't changed, just the people involved in our lives have.

The Choice to Feel Good vs the Choice to Exist

I've been doing a lot of thinking about a friend of mine lately.  He's generally a good sort of guy, or so I thought.  I'm not going to get into the details because it really doesn't matter.  I've seen this sort of thing time and time again.  This will not be the first person I meet that's like this, and it certainly won't be the last.

This friend fits into a certain profile.  I've noticed that I've met more than a few friends that fit the image, so I'm going to talk general, not specific here.  Any likeness to someone you know is probably just because they fit the profile too, so just realize that I'm making this a mash-up of several people I've known who fit the same description.  I've known quite a few over the past twelve years, so I've got a lot to go on.

See, this group of people is made up of people on disability.  For many of them, their disability isn't something that would prevent them from working.  In some cases they're completely making up some mental illness, or making it out to be worse than it is.  They get their government check every month and that's all they ever want.  That's how they live, government check to government check, be it from the V.A., social security, or the Department of Human Services.  They don't aspire towards anything more.

The kind of people I'm talking about often relish in that check and then spend their money like wild.  They didn't work to earn it, so it's easy not to have a reference to it's actual value.  They complain when the money runs out that they've got no money to pay for gas or bills, but it's all because they've squandered it all earlier on vacations, clothing, eating out, cigarettes, video games, and movies.  They don't spend responsibly, so they get cranky when they've run out.

Another frustrating trend with these people is their need to possess others.  They start dating a girl or a guy and expect them to be around all the time.  Often one of the first things they do is move their significant other in, or at the very least, have them over all the time.  They tend to be obsessed with their significant other and want to spend all their time together.  Often times they're untrusting and want to look into everything their significant other is doing, sometimes as obsessive as to check their phone or other messaging software.  They stalk their significant other's Facebook, or check it when their significant other isn't on.  They develop this stalker-like obsession.  As a result, they smother their significant other and often drive them away, or cause tons of conflict in their relationship at the very least.

I've known a few of these people to have kids, though, thankfully, most of them don't.  Those that do tend to have the same trend.  They use their disability to pawn their kids off on someone else while they go off living their absent existence.  Sure, they get involved with their kids now and again, but usually it's only when they get something out of it, like attention from taking their kid to an event, or sympathy because their family knows how hard it is for them.  Otherwise the kid gets ignored, which is incredibly sad, or in the worst case I've seen, abused and neglected.

People like this often just exist.  Their days are spent eating out and playing video games or watching television.  They don't tend to go out with their friends much, but I think that's largely because they don't have many friends.  They lose patience with people quickly when they aren't available to hang out whenever, or when they have to go home early or can't come over because of other responsibilities like work or kids.

Now, I'm not saying everyone on disability shares these traits.  For all the people I've known who simply exist on disability, I've known almost as many who want to use disability for what it's there for.  Many of them are struggling to overcome their disability so they can rejoin the working world to become "productive members of society".  Others know their disability is something that will hinder them for the rest of their lives and try to use their time on disability to learn to live and work within their own boundaries, and are as productive in the world around them as they are able to be.  They try and make the best of their situation, live their life to it's fullest, and enjoy their friends and family as much as possible.  They try to turn their time on disability into a positive, not just something that will allow them to exist.

For me, I can't stand people that just exist in this world.  I'd take a person on disability actually trying to make the best of it over one just existing any day.  I'd take a friend that was struggling to make ends meet in their family over someone just existing.  I've even known several people who could have tried for disability and might have even gotten on it, but chose not to because they didn't want to use up a resource that someone else would have more need of than they would.  At least all these people are trying to make something of their lives, even if they suffer pitfalls along the way.

One thing I've learned in all my struggles is no matter how easy the people who exist on disability have it, I'd take my life over theirs any day.  I've never once gotten that entitled feeling that so many others have had, that someone owes me a living.  I've always felt good about what I've done when I do it.  At the end of the day I can look at my accomplishments and feel like I've really made it somewhere in my life.  I've done something.  I've made a mark.  Sure, the only thing I may have done was pay the electric bill, or juggled the bills in such a way that nothing's going to get shut off on us for a week longer, but I feel like I've accomplished something.  Even those small victories are something to be proud of.

By living my life every day for something more than whatever I happen to do that day, I'm actually standing for something.  I'm not just settling for the normal day-in-day-out lifestyle.  I do more than sit around playing video games, chatting on the phone, and getting upset that my significant other is leaving the house to do things.  Actually, I'm glad when he leaves the house more often than not!  I get some me time that way!

One of the advantages of not just sitting around, waiting for the next government check to roll in is my appreciation for money.  I have to work hard for my income, and when it's not me, it's someone in my family.  Because that money is earned, not given, we've got a better appreciation for how far it goes.  Spending $50 on a video game comes with much more consideration when you know exactly how much work you've had to put in to earn that $50.  Spending $15 on a movie takes a lot more thought when you know what that money really means.  Even the decision to eat out versus eat at home comes with some deep consideration.  How much extra work does it take to pay for that dinner out over the work required with cooking at home?  Is it really going to be worth it?

I know a lot of people view my child support as "free money", but I view that as income paid for being a single parent.  That money goes to support the kids, but that's because I'm the one doing all the work to raise them. I'm the one that puts them to bed at night.  I'm the one that takes care of their education.  I'm the one that's there for them when they've had a bad day.  I'm the one that has to get stuck with the bad behavior when they fight getting the sleep they need or when they're just not feeling well.  I do a lot of work for my kids, so in return, I've earned a little financial help in raising them.

Since my life is built around so much more than just sitting around, blowing money, and living off a government check, I feel like my relationships are more valid too.  The people I have in my life aren't the convenient ones that are around because no one else wants to put up with me.  The people in my life are people I've worked to earn friendships with.  They're people I've actually put some effort into.  I'm much more willing to put effort into friendships and to make things work.  After all, friendships and relationships require a lot of effort.  It's easy to take them for granted too when everything is just a free hand-out.  It's easy to see that when you just wait around for that government check so you can go hog-wild. but often times your friends start to see that you're not willing to put any effort into keeping the relationship alive.  It's all based on your friends' efforts, or you call them when you need something, a trait many people just don't like.  No one likes a person always searching for hand-outs and help.

When you have to work for everything you have, you value it that much more.  Friendships become more meaningful when they're the usual give and take.  Money becomes something to be cautiously watched, which not only helps you value what you have, but plan for your future.  Possessions become more valuable because they're not just something you own, but something you assess based on the accomplishment that earned it.  Everything you work for from skills to physical items to mental and spiritual well-being will come with that much more of a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Again, I feel this needs repeating, but not everyone on disability is the same kind of person, just waiting on their check to come in.  I've known some very beautiful people who may not have to work to earn a wage like most of us, but instead they have to work towards other things.  They have to work towards becoming capable again after an injury.  They have to work towards finding mental stability and a grounded place where they can feel "normal".  They go to doctor's appointments and therapists and push themselves every day to become more than they were the day before.  To these people, their accomplishments have meaning too.  No, their money may not be in an hourly wage, but they think of it in reference to the great amount of work they've done in appointments and everything else to earn that money.  They think about the day when they may no longer need to take money for disability, but instead can claim their own hard-earned wages, even if it starts out at 15-20 hours per week.  They work to build strong friendships because they know they need that support system to help them through their challenges.  They appreciate the things they have because they know it takes a lot of courage to tell the world you're not able to help yourself, then step up and take the help they need.  They're not looking to live off the system, just to give themselves the freedom to pursue the healing they require to move on with their lives.  That's just as noble as someone who goes out and earns a wage at a job.  That's as noble as a mom who chooses to stay home and raise their kids.

The difference I'm pointing out here is that there are people who live the same way each day, smothering those who come in their lives or being whining and demanding, and there are those who truly choose to live each day.  Those who live off of doing nothing and expect everything to be handed to them often don't appreciate what they have, so they choose not to live, but just exist.  They don't look back at their lives thinking, "Look how far I've come!  Who would have thought I'd ever accomplish that?"  Instead they look back and before long the days remain the same, though the players and the mindless diversions change.  Those of us who choose to live may see the faces change just as quickly, but at least we know that when we look back we'll see trying times and challenges we've overcome, good experiences that will make us laugh years later, and moments that truly make us feel that our lives are valuable and truly have meaning.  We'll notice we've made an impact on the world around us, and not just an indentation from our but upon the couch and a huge drain on the world's electrical demand.  We'll feel like we've really chosen to live.

It wasn't until I started to see this friend for his true colors that I really started to think about what it really meant to live, and how he wasn't.  At first I was angry with him, but then I realized I wouldn't want to live like him.  It's a pathetic, sad existence.  Then I felt sorry for him, but I realized I shouldn't feel sorry.  He chose to live his life the way he did.  Finally, I came to the conclusion that the only thing to do was let him go.  I don't need friends like that holding me back.  I need friends who truly want to live, to move forward in their lives and truly indulge in the experiences, good and bad, that the world around them can provide.  I have a lesson to learn all of this.  Instead of taking what I can get and dealing with it, I should just open myself up to the possibilities and take in all the experiences my life has to offer.

Real Friends Versus "Facebook Friends"

Just about everyone these days has a Facebook account.  Everyone knows about Facebook, the social networking site and all it's fabulousness.  It's the replacement for MySpace, which seems to have been largely forgotten over the past couple of years.  In some respects, it's the greatest thing to have happened to social networking.  It's a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, stay updated on events, and all of that.  Unfortunately, it can also become a huge time waster, and it can mean your life is public to a lot more than just the people you want it to be.

I've got to admit, I've kind of become sucked in to the Facebook generation.  My friend count has skyrocketed more times than I can count, no matter how many times I've tried to cut it back.  I honestly don't think I've ever had less than a hundred friends on Facebook since my account was new.  It's a little disturbing to think about, really.  Do I really have that many friends?

All of this started when I considered adding some moms from the co-op yesterday.  I had to think about what kind of view they'd get of my life if I added them to my Facebook.  I really wanted to.  They've become a truly influential part of my life and it would be nice to keep updated with whatever's going on with them.  It may seem like something easy, but it wasn't so much that decision that was challenging.  It got me thinking about everything connecting to my Facebook.  I put a lot out there, and there's a lot of people on friends' list that I might not want knowing that kind of information.

It was about a year and a half ago that I realized perhaps I was putting a bit much out there with my Facebook profile.  I would include updates on the divorce and things like that.  It always seemed that no matter how careful I was, friends of his would read what I wrote and inform him.  It felt like having spies on my Facebook. I wasn't free to express myself and what I was really going through.  I felt so exposed, like my privacy was no longer being respected.  I'd deleted my husband, anyone I suspected might be a "spy", and locked down my profile so only friends could access my updates.  I thought that would probably fix everything.  I would feel like I had my privacy again.

About six months ago I realized that a lot of my friends were a part of the dance community.  Being a belly dancer, this shouldn't be surprising.  I wanted to stay connected, but I felt like I couldn't have my privacy again.  I don't want to talk about my divorce with the dance community.  I don't want to bog them down with pictures of my kids.  I don't want them knowing private details of my life, not that I'm posting much that's private on my Facebook, but they're just not that kind of friends, you know?  I created a dance profile specifically for that and moved most of my dance contacts over to that instead.  Only a handful remained on my profile.  I felt much more comfortable with my own privacy knowing I could keep some details of my life out of "public view" only to choose who I wanted to share with instead, my own personal social circle.

Still, my friend list was massive, and grew.  As of this morning I had a total of 175 friends on my list.  How many of them can I possibly know?  How many of them are really my friends?  How many care to read my updates, view my pictures, or anything else.  How many of them do I skim over when I'm reading my news feed because it's just the eight millionth game announcement or request or they simply don't say anything I'm interested in?  How many of them say things that challenge my views, get under my skin, and make me want to start a debate when perhaps it's better to keep my mouth shut?  And are all these people really the kinds of people I want seeing pictures of my kids, hearing about my life, and in general being up to date on my goings on?  Is this really something I should be comfortable with?  And of those friends, how many of them would really be there if I needed a shoulder to cry on, friendly advice, or someone to listen as I vent my frustration?  How many of them would I be there for?

Cutting back the first 75 friends wasn't too terribly hard.  There were a lot of people on there I was involved with through dance or other things that really aren't involved in my life.  There were a number of people from my high school that I just don't care to stay in touch with.  There were a handful of people from the local Pagan group that I never talk to anymore.  Those were easy to cut out.  In general if there's been no contact between the two of us for over a year or I really don't know you that well, then it's pretty easy for you to be gone.  There were plenty of people I figured I can always add later, or I'll see them around.

Then things started getting harder.  There's something about holding on to the past that seems like it's such a great idea.  It's not easy to let go of the crowd from the old game group.  I don't want to distance myself from the fire spinners and some of my favorite dancers.  It's not always easy to let go of ex-boyfriends I still want to be friends with.  It's challenging to admit that I'll never see these people again, and in truth, I really don't want to.  They were what they were in my life at the time, but I've moved on and it's time to accept that.  It doesn't help me to hold on to those old pieces of my past, not unless they have some purpose in my future.  It's time to move on and live in the now.

After all that I managed to cut back by another 30 friends.  Honestly, I thought I'd feel bad about it, but already I feel so much better!  It's a huge relief to know I'm not going to be staring at all those faces and updates every time I log on, knowing those people really aren't a part of my life.  It's a huge relief to let go and know that those are people I'll see if I'm meant to, but I won't if I'm not.  I can stop holding out for hope that we can once again be friends some day.

Feeling pretty confident at how easy all of that turned out to be (and how wonderful it felt) I decided to go for a third and final purge.  Anything more for one day might just bee too much.  For starters, it's a HUGE time drain.  It takes a lot of time to click and delete every one.  There's no bulk delete action.  I didn't know how many more people I could delete without feeling a little bad about it.  There are a handful of people I still want to keep on the list because, well, I still really care about them and I want to stay in touch, but the whole thing was pretty darn brutal!

When that was done I'd shaved about another nearly 20 Facebook friends!  Can you believe it?  That means I've stopped being "friends" with over 125 people!  It feels so incredibly freeing!

Looking at all of that, I've come to realize the shocking difference between Facebook friends and real friends.  I've had a lot of Facebook friends.  They come and go over time.  Some of them are people that really were influential in my life at one point or another.  Most of them have fallen away.  We've grown apart and distant.  We've taken different directions in our lives.  It's perfectly normal, and in times before Facebook, that's just how it was.  There's something about Facebook that gets people thinking they have to hang on to these old friendships that have fallen by the wayside.  They have to keep on their computer to check for updates from friends they rarely hear about, and often times truly don't care what those people are doing.  Instead of letting go of the past and growing up, it's too easy to leave that as a landmark for change in our lives.  We need to hold ourselves up to those old friends and see where we stand.

Well, I've decided I don't need that anymore.  I'm grown up now.  I'm a big girl.  I don't need a bunch of people that aren't really a part of my life checking in with me and giving me their two cents.  I don't need anyone's permission to live my life the way I choose.  I just need to be myself.  In truth, I feel much happier knowing that the people that remain are people I truly love and enjoy in my life.  So for those of you out there who are reading this and are more than just my Facebook friends, thanks for being there for me.  You have no idea how much I appreciate you!