I don't know what's been going on with me lately. I've finally figured out where I want to be and what I want to be doing, but I feel like I'm totally missing the point. I'm being sidetracked by things that really are important, but seem to be taking away from my goals. It seems like I've somehow lost touch with the kind o person I want to be and somehow this stranger has intervened to take it's place.
This past week has been spent largely cleaning and organizing my house. I've got all the science and nature books put on one shelf. Another shelf is half history books, half coloring and craft books. That frees up more room in my daughter's book shelves to keep the books she actually wants. I'm hoping that will mean she can fit all of her chapter books and everything else. It's amazing how much space is freed up just by organizing the books. It helps to have all the books that relate to school in a place where they can all share them.
The living room book shelves started the journey. I've been cleaning them from top to bottom. The whole room looks so much nicer without all the crazy clutter, which means once I get all the books up off the floor and into the places they need to go, I can finally feel a bit better about having people over! It's also nice to be able to find the books I want to read when I want to read them. I've been doing a decent amount of reading lately. It's nice to feel like I'm expanding my mind.
The reading I've been doing lately is different too. I've been focusing on non-fiction reading. I'm trying to develop a focus on things that relate to my life, spirituality, diet, parenting, and those sorts of topics. It's been refreshing to sit back and read for a while without feeling guilty about it. After all, reading isn't a guilty pleasure. It's expanding my mind and helping to set a good example for my children. It's a great way to relax too.
Still, in all of this I'm starting to feel like maybe my life is starting to get off track again. I'm cleaning, reading, and taking care of my home, but what about my spirituality? What about changing the patterns in my life? What about becoming the person I want to be? Am I going to lose some of that in my quest to get my physical surroundings up to par so we can maintain the status quo? Or does that somehow relate into it all, that being a more "normal" family somehow will help me on my way to accepting my new life as Mommy above all else, putting aside any other labels?
It just feels like maybe I'm losing a part of myself in all of this, that somehow I'm missing something that's incredibly integral to who I am. I just wish I knew what it was so I could take a step forward and truly embrace that part of my life. I am who I am. I just hope I'm not starting to lose sense of that.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
New Morning Routine...and Tea
It's morning. I've been up for a while, which is a shock to most who know me well. The fact that I'm up before 9am is a minor miracle. The fact that I'm not cranky and crabby on top of it may make some people who know me who brainwashed me, because this isn't what I'm normally like. I'm the lazy mom that rolls out of bed last minute and does as little in the possible in the morning, generally because I stay up all night.
Over the past few days I've been experimenting with a new sleep routine. I don't sleep in anymore. I'm trying desperately not to let myself get out of bed after 7am. It's been working out great. I'm up when my kids get up, and I'm surprisingly not crabby. Next week I think I may try and bump it earlier by a half hour and then again the week after that so I'll be getting up at 6am. Then I'll have enough time to do yoga in the morning before the kids wake up.
Yoga is one of those things I used to do in the mornings way back when I still worked at the eyeglass company. I would have to get up at 5am in order to have time in the morning, and there was barely room. We were staying with a friend in his living room. We had an air mattress out and slept on that, but that took up so much room that it was hard to find space to do yoga. I would have to keep it really quiet because my daughter and her father were asleep. I would do an hour of yoga, eat a light breakfast, then walk to the station to catch the 7am train. Every morning I would show up almost two hours early for work or more, but waiting for a later train would leave me a half hour late, so there wasn't much in the way of option there. I'd spend my time waiting with a good book, eating a horrible breakfast from the fast-food joint in the food court or hanging out at the coffee shop with some tea or hot chocolate. It wasn't much of a fancy ritual or anything, but it was my ritual each morning, and I loved it.
There's just something about yoga in the morning. It's invigorating and wakes up the body, sure, but there's something more to it. It's not just gentle stretching and strengthening. It's also meditative. There's something about moving through the poses, focusing on the inner thoughts and the actual feelings and sensations in the body (and in all honesty here, I'm thinking, "My body is SO not flexible enough for that!") I feel more connected to myself when I do yoga, more present in my own physical form, more aware of everything going on in my own person. It's wonderful.
All of that ended the first time when I broke my elbow. After three months of not being able to do much of anything followed by almost a year of being unable to do yoga because I didn't have the strength, I got out of the habit. It's so easy to get lazy about things, even when it's something enjoyable. I tried on a couple of occasions to get back into it, but I never really did. I've heard that it takes 21 days to make a new habit, good or bad, and I've never been able to last out that three week period before. After a couple of days I'm making excuses about not having enough time for yoga, which is largely true when I get up to a house full of bustling activities, everyone already doing their own things for the day. There's no peaceful, quiet time for me to focus on yoga. Even if I shut myself in my room, the kids come in demanding this or that. They don't exactly make it easy. Besides, once the day is rolling, it's often easy to drop things off the schedule when things get hectic, and it's all too easy to make excuses of being too busy or tired.
Of course, getting up before the kids is a ritual in the making. It's going to involve cleaning my living room so I can have a space to do yoga. It will mean getting my yoga mat out of the closet. I'll have to start waking up consistently about an hour earlier each day. It's going to take some time to get there, but I have a goal. From there it's keeping up with it for 21 days so it becomes habit, and hopefully after that it will be so much easier to get up to in the morning. That's going to be my first goal, last out 21 days of daily yoga.
On another note, nothing says morning like tea. Tea and yoga kind of go hand-in-hand. Most of the people I know who do yoga are also big tea drinkers. It's probably got to do with yoga and tea both being healthy for you, so one would imagine that would be a good combination. It's a great way to wake up in the morning, and truth be told, I like it better than coffee. I've never been much of a coffee drinker anyway. That's what I'm doing this morning. Sitting at my computer, drinking some tea. My cabinet is full of tea. I've got so much tea it's almost shocking, considering most of it's never even been touched. It's time I made tea a part of my morning ritual too. It's probably a lot healthier for me than most of my other morning routines! At least I can say it's good for me!
All in all, I think I'm taking a positive step forward in my life. Most mornings I've woken up crabby, just wanting to be left alone only to be ambushed by children that want my attention, and haven't been getting it since I've been sleeping. Even having someone else get up with the kids in the morning doesn't seem to stop the madness when I finally get up. Now I'm less cranky in the morning, more focused, and much happier. I don't know if it's the quality of sleep I've been getting or if it's got to do with the much quieter pace in the morning, but I'm feeling so much more approachable. It leaves me with a couple of hours to get myself collected in the morning too. I can spend some time on the computer, reading a book, or even just sitting to meditate by myself for a while before my day needs to get rolling. It leaves me to feel less rushed when I finally do have to get up and go do something. I guess, in a way, I feel so much more balanced, and I'm continuing to follow that path.
Over the past few days I've been experimenting with a new sleep routine. I don't sleep in anymore. I'm trying desperately not to let myself get out of bed after 7am. It's been working out great. I'm up when my kids get up, and I'm surprisingly not crabby. Next week I think I may try and bump it earlier by a half hour and then again the week after that so I'll be getting up at 6am. Then I'll have enough time to do yoga in the morning before the kids wake up.
Yoga is one of those things I used to do in the mornings way back when I still worked at the eyeglass company. I would have to get up at 5am in order to have time in the morning, and there was barely room. We were staying with a friend in his living room. We had an air mattress out and slept on that, but that took up so much room that it was hard to find space to do yoga. I would have to keep it really quiet because my daughter and her father were asleep. I would do an hour of yoga, eat a light breakfast, then walk to the station to catch the 7am train. Every morning I would show up almost two hours early for work or more, but waiting for a later train would leave me a half hour late, so there wasn't much in the way of option there. I'd spend my time waiting with a good book, eating a horrible breakfast from the fast-food joint in the food court or hanging out at the coffee shop with some tea or hot chocolate. It wasn't much of a fancy ritual or anything, but it was my ritual each morning, and I loved it.
There's just something about yoga in the morning. It's invigorating and wakes up the body, sure, but there's something more to it. It's not just gentle stretching and strengthening. It's also meditative. There's something about moving through the poses, focusing on the inner thoughts and the actual feelings and sensations in the body (and in all honesty here, I'm thinking, "My body is SO not flexible enough for that!") I feel more connected to myself when I do yoga, more present in my own physical form, more aware of everything going on in my own person. It's wonderful.
All of that ended the first time when I broke my elbow. After three months of not being able to do much of anything followed by almost a year of being unable to do yoga because I didn't have the strength, I got out of the habit. It's so easy to get lazy about things, even when it's something enjoyable. I tried on a couple of occasions to get back into it, but I never really did. I've heard that it takes 21 days to make a new habit, good or bad, and I've never been able to last out that three week period before. After a couple of days I'm making excuses about not having enough time for yoga, which is largely true when I get up to a house full of bustling activities, everyone already doing their own things for the day. There's no peaceful, quiet time for me to focus on yoga. Even if I shut myself in my room, the kids come in demanding this or that. They don't exactly make it easy. Besides, once the day is rolling, it's often easy to drop things off the schedule when things get hectic, and it's all too easy to make excuses of being too busy or tired.
Of course, getting up before the kids is a ritual in the making. It's going to involve cleaning my living room so I can have a space to do yoga. It will mean getting my yoga mat out of the closet. I'll have to start waking up consistently about an hour earlier each day. It's going to take some time to get there, but I have a goal. From there it's keeping up with it for 21 days so it becomes habit, and hopefully after that it will be so much easier to get up to in the morning. That's going to be my first goal, last out 21 days of daily yoga.
On another note, nothing says morning like tea. Tea and yoga kind of go hand-in-hand. Most of the people I know who do yoga are also big tea drinkers. It's probably got to do with yoga and tea both being healthy for you, so one would imagine that would be a good combination. It's a great way to wake up in the morning, and truth be told, I like it better than coffee. I've never been much of a coffee drinker anyway. That's what I'm doing this morning. Sitting at my computer, drinking some tea. My cabinet is full of tea. I've got so much tea it's almost shocking, considering most of it's never even been touched. It's time I made tea a part of my morning ritual too. It's probably a lot healthier for me than most of my other morning routines! At least I can say it's good for me!
All in all, I think I'm taking a positive step forward in my life. Most mornings I've woken up crabby, just wanting to be left alone only to be ambushed by children that want my attention, and haven't been getting it since I've been sleeping. Even having someone else get up with the kids in the morning doesn't seem to stop the madness when I finally get up. Now I'm less cranky in the morning, more focused, and much happier. I don't know if it's the quality of sleep I've been getting or if it's got to do with the much quieter pace in the morning, but I'm feeling so much more approachable. It leaves me with a couple of hours to get myself collected in the morning too. I can spend some time on the computer, reading a book, or even just sitting to meditate by myself for a while before my day needs to get rolling. It leaves me to feel less rushed when I finally do have to get up and go do something. I guess, in a way, I feel so much more balanced, and I'm continuing to follow that path.
Monday, September 12, 2011
What I Want
Today I was given a glimpse of what I want in my life. I feel like I've finally found a place I might start to feel like I fit in. My family and I were at the homeschool co-op today, and I finally felt like I was surrounded with my kind of people. One of them even wants dreads (which reminds me, I'm way behind on keeping everyone updated on how those are going...)! It was good to feel like I was in a place where I didn't feel like a freak. For once I felt like I belonged. I didn't even realize that was so much what I wanted until I was surrounded by it. I guess this is what I get for not spending any time with my good friend, Krystal. I miss her, but she's always so busy. She goes through phases like that. I guess I do too.
For the longest time I thought what I wanted to be was a dancer. It was a dream my mother told me was impossible. I was too old for ballet by the time I was getting into dance, so I'd pretty much given up on all dance. Dance wasn't an option for me. It could never be a career. That door was closed. When I found out belly dance was still an option, I threw myself into it. I should have been honest with myself. I would have loved it as a hobby, but as a professional? That's just not where I'm at. I love to dance, but I think the dream of being a dancer is something I should have let die a long time ago. Perhaps knowing I could never do it made me fight that much harder for it when I found a way. Yes, I'll always love dance, but the truth is I'm just tired of it. It's been wearing me down slowly for years, but I don't think it's what I want anymore. I've got other goals in mind. I think doing it as a hobby, or maybe taking a certification course to teach prenatal dance would be something that suits me, but I'm definitely not the kind of person to be a professional dancer. It's just not who I am anymore.
Instead I'm finding I'm really happy with being a mother. It's not what I imagined I'd be. It wasn't until not long before I was pregnant with my oldest that I even decided I might want kids some day, and at that point it was only one. A little over nine years later and I'm hitting the sadness of all my friends having babies and I want another one. I've already got three and people keep cursing me with four already (they keep telling me I've already got four!) so I guess it's fitting. Even so, I never thought I'd be here. I thought I'd long ago been done with having children, yet I still want more. Sometimes I think I must be crazy.
It's not just having babies to have babies. I want to see the wonderful people they grow up to be. It's more than the first steps and the first words, I want the experience of the first time they read, the first time they discover something they really love, the moment they see what they want to do in life. I want the experience of turning a helpless little infant into whatever they want to become some day, once they figure it out for themselves, of course.
Then there's everything else I envision. I see moms wearing their babies. I see breastfeeding at the co-op. I see women who are cloth diapering or using elimination communication. The kids are learning about all sorts of things. They're developing new interests. It's an amazing thing. I'm seeing moms who are gluten-free and they're using holistic remedies. It's everything I hoped I'd some day be doing. I feel like I've found a home with these other women. It feels like the right place to be. This is where I want to raise my kids, not just for them, but because I feel fulfilled by it too. I feel like they've welcomed me into the fold, in a way, like I've found a place that I finally feel satisfied by.
Add this to everything else I want in life, to be sustainable and all of that, and I think that's the direction I should be looking. I really love dance, but dance doesn't give me the feeling of making an impact on the world. Dance is a beautiful art and it makes people feel or think, but it's not at all like changing the world by teaching the next generation another way. I think this is it. I've finally found what I need to be doing with my life. I've finally found where I belong.
For the longest time I thought what I wanted to be was a dancer. It was a dream my mother told me was impossible. I was too old for ballet by the time I was getting into dance, so I'd pretty much given up on all dance. Dance wasn't an option for me. It could never be a career. That door was closed. When I found out belly dance was still an option, I threw myself into it. I should have been honest with myself. I would have loved it as a hobby, but as a professional? That's just not where I'm at. I love to dance, but I think the dream of being a dancer is something I should have let die a long time ago. Perhaps knowing I could never do it made me fight that much harder for it when I found a way. Yes, I'll always love dance, but the truth is I'm just tired of it. It's been wearing me down slowly for years, but I don't think it's what I want anymore. I've got other goals in mind. I think doing it as a hobby, or maybe taking a certification course to teach prenatal dance would be something that suits me, but I'm definitely not the kind of person to be a professional dancer. It's just not who I am anymore.
Instead I'm finding I'm really happy with being a mother. It's not what I imagined I'd be. It wasn't until not long before I was pregnant with my oldest that I even decided I might want kids some day, and at that point it was only one. A little over nine years later and I'm hitting the sadness of all my friends having babies and I want another one. I've already got three and people keep cursing me with four already (they keep telling me I've already got four!) so I guess it's fitting. Even so, I never thought I'd be here. I thought I'd long ago been done with having children, yet I still want more. Sometimes I think I must be crazy.
It's not just having babies to have babies. I want to see the wonderful people they grow up to be. It's more than the first steps and the first words, I want the experience of the first time they read, the first time they discover something they really love, the moment they see what they want to do in life. I want the experience of turning a helpless little infant into whatever they want to become some day, once they figure it out for themselves, of course.
Then there's everything else I envision. I see moms wearing their babies. I see breastfeeding at the co-op. I see women who are cloth diapering or using elimination communication. The kids are learning about all sorts of things. They're developing new interests. It's an amazing thing. I'm seeing moms who are gluten-free and they're using holistic remedies. It's everything I hoped I'd some day be doing. I feel like I've found a home with these other women. It feels like the right place to be. This is where I want to raise my kids, not just for them, but because I feel fulfilled by it too. I feel like they've welcomed me into the fold, in a way, like I've found a place that I finally feel satisfied by.
Add this to everything else I want in life, to be sustainable and all of that, and I think that's the direction I should be looking. I really love dance, but dance doesn't give me the feeling of making an impact on the world. Dance is a beautiful art and it makes people feel or think, but it's not at all like changing the world by teaching the next generation another way. I think this is it. I've finally found what I need to be doing with my life. I've finally found where I belong.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Forgiveness Versus Worthlessness
This weekend there was a bit of a situation. A friend of mine pointed out something to me about myself and I don't think he even really meant to. It's true that other people can make a fantastic mirror to ourselves. We just need to be open enough to look. In my case, it was too much of a slap in the face to ignore.
To save on the drama, because it's their business, not mine, I'll give you the short version. My friend's wife has a tendency of doing things that pretty much shows she doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself. She always backs them up with these excuses that don't hold up any deeper than the surface. While other people leave these little pinholes in their logic, she leaves the grand canyon. Even with these shoddy excuses and pathetic attempts to cover herself, her husband still forgives her every time and acts as though nothing happened at all. Why does he do this? Because he makes her feel bad.
The truth is with the way she's acting she deserves to feel bad. It's not like he's actively going out and tearing her down about something she can't help. She's done something that he finds hurtful. She makes him feel bad or hurt and in return she's having to suffer the results of her own actions. The person making her feel bad is none other than herself.
Unfortunately, time and time again the husband feels bad. I can understand that. If you truly love someone you don't want them to feel bad. You'll probably do just about anything to make them feel better, once you're over your own pain about what they've done. Sadly, doing that means when all is said and done they learn that all they have to do is pout a bit, let a few tears drop, and before you know it, everything's just as it should be. If they're lucky, the innocent party in it all feels so poorly that they're now the one taking actions to make it right, when they did nothing wrong to feel bad about!
How does this apply to me? That husband and I have a lot in common. When someone in my life wrongs me, I tend to act, well, cold and a little mean. Should that person cry, whine, feel bad, I don't tell them, "You brought it on yourself by treating me poorly." No, I tend to open my heart to them and feel bad that I said something that might be construed as mean. I feel bad, when in reality, I'm not the one who should feel bad at all. I'm the one who was hurt, and my forgiving nature is causing me to set myself up to go through it again.
The truth is, by forgiving and forgetting, you can easily become a door mat. You can easily be walked over because people come to realize one thing above all else, all they have to do is feel a little bad and you're head over-heels in apologies and trying to make it better. You're not the one who did anything wrong. You're completely entitled to express your pain. However, they make you feel that you're not. They make you feel they were justified.
This is exactly how I got in an abusive and controlling relationship. Instead of putting my foot down and calling things what they were, I kept making excuses for him. Why? He would make excuses to me and therefore I would forgive him. The whole world told me I was being an idiot, or worse, blamed me. I felt so bad all the time that I thought it was all my fault. It took me a good long while to realize that I was being conditioned into accepting pretty much anything he did was for the best, even though it meant using people, losing friends, and having a completely unstable lifestyle.
The truth is that's not forgiveness. That's a lack of self-worth. Forgiveness is a good thing, but you can't "forgive and forget", not completely. You need to recognize patterns in the person's life and if they're still repeating the same action, then they don't feel sorry for what they're doing. It's time to cut your losses and leave or put your foot down. There is no excuse for hurting people you supposedly love, which means pouting and feeling bad shouldn't make anyone feel guilty about being upset.
As sad as it is that my friend is going through this, I know I can't change his situation. That doesn't mean I can't learn from his situation and bring it into my own life. I need to stop being a doormat. I need to stop accepting weak excuses and an upset look because I have no reason to feel bad when other people's actions upset me. They are responsible for their own actions, not me. In reality, if I'm upset or hurt, I've got every right to own my own feelings. If someone does something to hurt me, I have every right to feel bad. If they feel bad about what they've done, it's probably their conscience speaking. This will sound horrible, but they're getting what they asked for. What you put out always returns to you, whether you call it karma, the law of three, holy justice, or whatever.
So what am I getting at? It's about time I developed a spine. It's time I stopped trying to live with things I shouldn't have to live with. It's time I stop feeling guilty about things when I've done nothing wrong. It's time I start looking at the people in my life, and instead of forgiving them blindly and welcoming them back in my life with open arms, I need to put my foot down. Yes, I'll always forgive, but sometimes it's better to forgive and walk away than put yourself in a situation where I'll be hurt because that other person has some growing up to do before our relationship is anything more than hurtful experiences.
My friend may never know he's inspired me this way. I doubt he'll read this blog, and I'm not about to tell him. No matter how I try and say it, it'll come across as though I'm expecting him to change. I hate seeing him walked all over, but I can't ask him to change. I can't tell him how to live his life. However, I need to do this for me. I have a feeling my life is going to be so much better as a result, and I'm going to be a much stronger person. This is going to be a growing experience for me. I can't wait.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
What to Do about Eggs...
As promised to my facebook readers, here's a list of egg substitutes I've found and some suggestions about planning to use them. Keep in mind, I haven't tried all of these yet, so I can't say how well they may or may not work. Each of them alters the consistency of the recipe in a different way, so it can't hurt to try an few things out and see what works for you. Here's the list or substitutes equivalent to one egg., and I'll follow it with some thoughts on using them:
In reality, it's a game of cooking chemistry. What can you use that will fulfill the purpose? It's also a great lesson in science as you research what the egg does in each individual recipe. I can't wait to start trying some of these substitutions!
Oh, and just want egg whites? Take one Tbsp of plain agar powder
and mix it with an equal part of water. Whip it, chill it, and whip it again for a suitable egg white substitute!
- 2 Tbsp Potato Starch
- 1 Banana, Mashed
- 1/4 cup Apple Sauce
- 1/4 cup of Mashed Potatoes
- 1/4 cup canned Pumpkin or Squash
- 1/4 cup pureed Prunes
- 1/4 cup of Soft Tofu
- 2 Tbsp water, 1 Tbsp oil, 2 Tsp Baking Powder, mixed
- 1 Tbsp ground Flax Seed simmered in 3 Tbsp Water
- An egg replacer called Ener G
In reality, it's a game of cooking chemistry. What can you use that will fulfill the purpose? It's also a great lesson in science as you research what the egg does in each individual recipe. I can't wait to start trying some of these substitutions!
Oh, and just want egg whites? Take one Tbsp of plain agar powder
and mix it with an equal part of water. Whip it, chill it, and whip it again for a suitable egg white substitute!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
What Can I Eat?
This whole thing was frustrating before, but now I feel like I'm being starved! Going off of commercially-made foods, processed foods, is a lot harder than I'd ever imagined. I had no idea it was going to be this hard!
I'll be honest, the biggest problem I have with going off of everything is not knowing what to eat. It's not like I have a nutritionist at my disposal to advise me on what I can and can't have, though that would be lovely. Instead I have to figure it out as I go along. I have to play with what I need and what I'm missing out on in my diet. Right about now it feels like I'm missing out on a good deal, but that's also because I've been programmed by society to eat so many of these processed foods.
Going out to eat has become a bit of an impossibility. I've looked at many menus and as much as they offer gluten-free solutions, many of them are known for still using eggs and dairy in the baking process for breads and the like. For example, a friend of mine suggested Jason's Deli does a gluten-free menu. Unfortunately, having checked their menu, all I can have is the salad bar...and then the only dressing I can have is oil and vinegar, which I'm not terribly fond of to begin with. Everything else on their gluten-free menu has eggs, milk, or soy. It's not exactly easy to find a food that's free of all of those things, again, unless I hit up the salad bar. It's not exactly fun to be eating rabbit food when everyone else is eating something so delicious looking.
I've also learned that making things from scratch means really making everything from scratch. Just going to the grocery store to pick up some beef broth I realized it's got dairy in it as well as tons of soy. Beef stock is even worse with honey. I'm kind of glad I've never used beef stock before! The more I go along the more I realize that I do have to make 100% of my meals from scratch. I can't even use prepackaged ingredients because everything's got additives I just can't have. I think it might just be fun to start making my own stuff from beginning to end, but at the same time, this whole allergy thing is sapping my energy. I just don't have the energy for that whole process. At the same time, if I cheat and eat things I shouldn't, or starve myself, then where am I going to be? Without the energy to do it! It's a catch 22 no matter what I do.
Thankfully, this new diet does mean eating more regularly. I can no longer snack throughout the day unless it's fruits and veggies. That means I'm more likely to eat fruits and veggies, and since they don't fill me up the same way, I'm still hungry come meal time, though I haven't really been eating meals all that often. Even so, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting somewhere with all of this, even if it is just a small change towards healthier living. Every small step is one step closer, right?
I'll be honest, the biggest problem I have with going off of everything is not knowing what to eat. It's not like I have a nutritionist at my disposal to advise me on what I can and can't have, though that would be lovely. Instead I have to figure it out as I go along. I have to play with what I need and what I'm missing out on in my diet. Right about now it feels like I'm missing out on a good deal, but that's also because I've been programmed by society to eat so many of these processed foods.
Going out to eat has become a bit of an impossibility. I've looked at many menus and as much as they offer gluten-free solutions, many of them are known for still using eggs and dairy in the baking process for breads and the like. For example, a friend of mine suggested Jason's Deli does a gluten-free menu. Unfortunately, having checked their menu, all I can have is the salad bar...and then the only dressing I can have is oil and vinegar, which I'm not terribly fond of to begin with. Everything else on their gluten-free menu has eggs, milk, or soy. It's not exactly easy to find a food that's free of all of those things, again, unless I hit up the salad bar. It's not exactly fun to be eating rabbit food when everyone else is eating something so delicious looking.
I've also learned that making things from scratch means really making everything from scratch. Just going to the grocery store to pick up some beef broth I realized it's got dairy in it as well as tons of soy. Beef stock is even worse with honey. I'm kind of glad I've never used beef stock before! The more I go along the more I realize that I do have to make 100% of my meals from scratch. I can't even use prepackaged ingredients because everything's got additives I just can't have. I think it might just be fun to start making my own stuff from beginning to end, but at the same time, this whole allergy thing is sapping my energy. I just don't have the energy for that whole process. At the same time, if I cheat and eat things I shouldn't, or starve myself, then where am I going to be? Without the energy to do it! It's a catch 22 no matter what I do.
Thankfully, this new diet does mean eating more regularly. I can no longer snack throughout the day unless it's fruits and veggies. That means I'm more likely to eat fruits and veggies, and since they don't fill me up the same way, I'm still hungry come meal time, though I haven't really been eating meals all that often. Even so, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting somewhere with all of this, even if it is just a small change towards healthier living. Every small step is one step closer, right?
Friday, July 22, 2011
To My Reader!
I ran into one of my readers today at the gas station! That was awesome! I'm so happy to know that I'm actually connecting with people, people I may not even personally know, people that may not be a part of my daily life. I think that's fantastic! That completely made my day.
It was also made aware that you needed to be a registered user to post comments on my blog, so she was unable to leave a comment. Well, I changed that, so everyone can now make comments, and please do! I love hearing back from my readers! I love hearing what all of you have to say about what I'm doing, the experiences I'm having, and everything else! Definitely feel free to share opinions, ideas, feedback, and whatever else crosses your mind!
I have to thank that reader I met at the gas station today. Not only did that make my day, but it makes me smile to know how many lives I'm touching. It makes me feel like I'm really doing something with my life. Now if only I'd thought to take a picture with you today to post on the blog too! Wouldn't that be something?
Thanks so much to everyone for reading. Usually I don't blog on Fridays, but I felt it was a special occasion and I really needed to share! Thanks so much for making this possible!
It was also made aware that you needed to be a registered user to post comments on my blog, so she was unable to leave a comment. Well, I changed that, so everyone can now make comments, and please do! I love hearing back from my readers! I love hearing what all of you have to say about what I'm doing, the experiences I'm having, and everything else! Definitely feel free to share opinions, ideas, feedback, and whatever else crosses your mind!
I have to thank that reader I met at the gas station today. Not only did that make my day, but it makes me smile to know how many lives I'm touching. It makes me feel like I'm really doing something with my life. Now if only I'd thought to take a picture with you today to post on the blog too! Wouldn't that be something?
Thanks so much to everyone for reading. Usually I don't blog on Fridays, but I felt it was a special occasion and I really needed to share! Thanks so much for making this possible!
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