Lack of Sleep

My idea was to have a good, regular, predictable routine by now.  I wanted to have a regular sleep schedule!  I need to be a more normal kind of person.

It's starting to seem more and more by the day that I'm just meant to be up all night.  My natural and comfortable sleep schedule has me up until five or six a.m.  I'm inclined to sleep all day.   It's just craziness, but I feel happiest when I'm keeping that sleep schedule.

I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me.  Having a sleep schedule like that is in no way realistic.  I have a feeling changing it is going to be quite the challenge...

Total Fail...

Well, I was supposed to get some dance time in today, but it looks like that's not going to happen.  I've kind of been slacking on that whole department.  Oh well...

Today was definitely a bit of a mental health day.  I needed a day off.  I got an unhappy text from my soon to be ex, which sent my stress levels all kinds of crazy, as usual.  That definitely does not promote a happy and healthy energy.  I just needed this chance to relax.

Tomorrow I have no excuses.  I have to teach dance class.  Some time before that during the day I need to go to a friend's house to start working on a dance piece.  I'll at least get a couple of quality hours of dance in.  That's got to count for something, right?  Tomorrow will be better, if nothing else, I've got to make this promise to myself.

New Dread Upkeep

New dreads can be so much work!  I didn't even think of that when I started my dreads.  Knowing so many that have started dreads I expected far less work.  I guess I had no idea what I was getting myself into!

With my other friends they seem to have very little dread maintenance.  Most people I know with dreads in person use wax.  Some don't.  Almost all of them palm roll regularly.  Some crochet their dreads too.  I've never heard of needing additional backcombing.  It all seemed so simple.

My hair is short.  I'm not using products.  I want to go with as little maintenance as possible.  Originally I wanted to do it "right" with wax, palm rolling, crocheting, and whatever else I came across that would help.  Somewhere along the way I found a forum on Ravelry for dreads.  I found it through a friend on Ravelry that was starting her own dreads, but she got some negative criticism on hers, so she quit the group and eventually took the dreads out.  I decided not to use wax from their advice.  I decided not to crochet based on my own experiences with my wool dreads.  It didn't seem to work that well on my hair then, so I figured I'd try without it for now.  I had planned on palm rolling and that was all.

Shortly after my first shower, I realized I had a problem.  Palm rolling just wasn't going to happen.  there was no way to keep track of which dreads had been rolled and which ones hadn't.  They're so short they all just fell right back on top of each other.  I also was having a hard time rolling them anyway because my hair is so short.  It barely wants to palm roll at all!

Well, I decided I would go with some of the other research I had found.  I found a site that advocated not palm rolling, not waxing, not crocheting, or pretty much doing anything else.  It's a big natural dread site.  Given that natural (aside from the color!) is the way I want to go, it only made sense that I would be drawn to the natural dreading.  I wasn't going to let my dreads form naturally.  For my own reasons, I decided to section them evenly and neatly because it made me happier.  I had help with that.  It seemed the way my hair should be treated.  It would be so much better.

In my research I also found that new dreads can easily wash out of your hair when you're not using products to hold them fast.  I was warned that it would be a little scary.  The new dreads in hair as short as mine can fall half way out.  I've read that washing regularly is fine, though many with dreads try to wash their hair only once each week.  I'm simply not comfortable with that for whatever reason.  I'm sure part of that has to do with how much I exercise and sweat.  As a result, I was fully expecting my hair to be nerve wracking at the start.  Let me tell you, it's lived up to that fear!

When I realized how much my hair would come loose after each shower, I fully expected to have to re-dread entire sections of hair.  I was expecting my after shower maintenance to take hours after the hair had finally dried.  I was thinking I would have exhausted arms from processing through the twist and rip over and over.  Dreads wouldn't be much of a time saver until they finally matured and I wouldn't have to worry much about them anymore.

Surprisingly, my dread maintenance takes near no time at all!  I do have to spend time doing the whole twist and rip thing, but I can do it five minutes here, five minutes there.  I generally multitask during my television time or while reading things on the web.  I can scan a page while twisting and ripping, or read in depth.  I don't even notice I'm doing it half the time.  I'm not going to care about the wispy ends as I've heard Caucasian hair usually end up having wispy ends unless you really work to round them out.  It's just natural for our hair type and I'm okay with that.  I'm so happy that maintenance is so incredibly easy!

Here I go on this incredible journey.  My dreads are slowly becoming whatever they will.  It's been one week now and I'm just loving them more and more by the day.  I can't wait to see how they grow and mature a month from now, two months from now, and far into the future!

Taking the Next Step

Today was a good day.  I've been soda-free.  I've been eating pretty good.  I had a salad and loved it!  I've been drinking water.  I even got working with EA Sports Active.  I really needed a good workout, especially as next to no one showed at class tonight.  I was down to one student.  It was a rough night.

I'm really feeling like I'm making progress again.  This goal has been so frustrating.  It's so easy to go back to really bad habits.  I just need to keep dedicated to my path.

I need a few more weeks like this and I'll be making some serious progress.  If I can keep up my good habits, I'll be making my goals in no time.  I'm already finding that candy really doesn't taste good to me anymore.  Soda just doesn't do it for me the way it used to.  This is a good thing!  Maybe this means I'm going to be able to make my goal more easily than I thought!  It's amazing what a change of perspective can do!

I Think I'm Allergic to Texas

I don't know what it is, but the weather changes in Texas seem to be getting the better of me.  I just can't shake the way Texas makes me feel.  It's not just a winter thing either.  A part of me wishes I could escape it, but I think I really need to figure out what's at the root of it all first.

Texas summers are uncomfortable for many.  I find them almost unbearable.  I hate the heat and humidity.  It's just not my thing.  I spend my whole day wondering how long I can hide inside and shielding my eyes from the migraine producing sun.  It's horrible and I wish I could escape it.

The fall and spring aren't nearly so bad.  I actually really like Texas springs and falls.  They're warm and beautiful.  The temperature is quite tolerable.  I love the wind that blows through.  It's peaceful!

Then comes the winter.  This winter has been like every other one.  I get sick far too easily, probably because my body never adjusts between the warm days and freezing cold nights.  I've been waking up every morning for the past two weeks with no voice and nothing seems to make it better.  My throat hurts for most of the day.  It's been pretty miserable.

Looking back at my past years here, this has pretty much always happened, but I don't think it's ever been quite this bad.  It's frustrating as I don't particularly enjoy a sore throat.  I just want to feel better, you know?  I just want to feel normal.  Positive affirmations of my well-being haven't done anything, so I wonder if it's more than that.

I guess I'll just have to figure it out and work with it because we're not leaving Texas any time soon.  I have a life here.  We've got things we need to do before we can leave.  I'm not going to run away just because the weather doesn't really appeal to me.

The Great Food Debate, Meals Versus Grazing

I've had a question posed to me by TheArtsyEclectic at Otherwise Quite Good.  It's one of those questions I've heard debated time after time.  Is it healthier to eat three square meals each day or to graze throughout the day?  This concept has been highly debated over time.

This subject seems to have a lot of information no matter how you cut it.  There's plenty of information supporting three round meals each day, but the more I talk to doctors and experts, the more I'm finding that may not be held as true as it once was.  It seems that humans, by nature, are more inclined to graze.

Think about it, in ancient times we didn't have time to sit down for three meals each day.  Our kind started as hunter and gatherer cultures.  It is thought that some of our eating habits were that of scavengers as well.  In other words, you eat what you can when you can.  As a result, one would think we would benefit more from eating when we're hungry, not at scheduled times each day, and eating until we're satiated, not until we're full.

When you're really full, think of how you feel.  Most people are more sluggish and tired when they're full.  They "eat too much" and then don't feel like doing much of anything.  How would that work in a world where you have to fear predators.  Well, it wouldn't.  I don't think I've ever heard of a single kind of animal that eats until they're full and handles it really well.

Three meals each day is very practical if you look at our society in, say, colonial times, or in the middle ages.  When you spend each day working hard in the fields, you don't really have time to graze all day long.  Eating really filling meals allows you to continue working for longer through the day without suffering the effects of hunger.  It really turned into a practical thing, but was it healthy?  I'm not entirely sure it was unhealthy.  If you think about it, when you're doing hard work all day long you're far less prone to snacking.  Also, with the hard work you do all day long, you're not terribly at risk of things like obesity.

Looking at the way we live today, it's not surprising that we're going back to that grazing mentality.  We spend much of our days sitting down and have plenty of time to snack while we're sitting.  I honestly believe humans are wired for grazing rather than binging on large meals.  If we were, or if that about our nature had somehow changed, we would clearly not have that instinct with us now.  If we didn't have that instinct, I think we would have a lot easier of a time with the whole obesity issue.  That's not to say that overweight people eat too much and/or don't get enough exercise.  I'm sure that's part of the problem in some cases, however, I think the emphasis on filling ourselves at every meal with our natural drive to graze throughout the day makes any genetic predispositions to being overweight or any other situations that may play into it that much more of a challenge.

Personally, I find my energy levels stay higher and I'm in a much better mood if I snack throughout the day along with three "meals".  I've found that if I eat only until I'm sated and not until I'm full, I eat much less at each meal.  Three small meals with a couple of snacks during the day, usually about two, just like most children, seems to be a great recipe for success for me.

It also doesn't help that we're training ourselves to eat large meals and still find ourselves hungry for snacking not long after we're done.  As I mentioned before with fast food, these meals are often large and seem to be filling, but in truth, they seem to be a lot of empty calories leaving us craving some serious nutritious sustenance.  When we grab snacks to graze on, again, they're empty calories that don't fill our need for nutrition.  We're left wanting something that will really sustain us.  This leads us to a sad situation where we're prone to both grazing and binge eating.

As a result, the classic American diet combined with lifestyle and our natural inclination to graze is a recipe for some serious unhealthy behaviors.  Sadly, I'm known to follow many of these.  However, with my current opinion on the matter, I think my goal will be to eat three small meals and a couple snacks when I'm hungry, healthy ones, of course!  Meals that fulfill my natural need for nutrients!

(Sorry if this seems scattered.  It's been a scattered kind of day!)

My Body as my Canvas

The next piece of my artwork is almost done.  I have my wild and crazy hair.  I've still got all of my piercings.  Now my tattoo is almost done!  According to the artist, we've got about another hour and it will be complete.  Of course, it probably could have been finished last night if it hadn't been for a slight misunderstanding.  Apparently I was supposed to call to confirm our appointment.  I'm used to things being the other way around.  The client never calls to confirm.  That's how I run my business too.  As a result we got started really late and just when it felt like we were finally getting somewhere it was time to stop to be picked up again next time.  That brings it's own whole set of frustrations, which I'm going to let go.  As much as venting about it can help, I don't feel it's worth the energy.  It's the sad thing about artists that more often than not, they're pretty flighty.  I can admit that one myself!

My tattoo is almost done!  I'm so excited!  It's just one more format of using my body as my canvas!  I'm trying to ignore all the conflicting information I hear from everyone about tattoos, healing, fading, and everything else.  I know tattoos will fade.  Paler colors will become much harder to see in time.  Dark colors become just as muted, so I don't really understand why people say light colors will be the first to fade.  In my research, it's all about how you care for it, and how well you keep the skin.  The more care you take, the less fading that will happen.

The whole thing is bright, vibrant, and so incredibly me.  The work suits me.  The image suits me.  The art suits me.  The wonderful thing about body art like this is the way it matures.  It changes over time and fading is just part of the process.  It truly develops its own personality.  The art takes on it's own character beyond the obvious point of the particular styling used with it.  What fades and what doesn't is an aspect.  Sometimes it needs touching up.  Sometimes it needs to be added to.  Whatever the case may be, it's a part of what it is.  The art takes on it's own life.  That life is impacted by the person in how they care for it and how their body reacts to the experience, how their body holds or rejects the ink.  It's also impacted by the way the art was placed on the body as some lines and shading will be heavier than others.  There are so many factors, it's almost like the art becomes it's own living thing, and the better the artist, the better the end result is tailored to the person wearing it.

I can't wait for this journey to be over, but I think though this piece of the road will be over, the journey has just begun.  I'm not going to call myself an addict or anything.  As much as the art is beautiful and does invoke and adrenaline rush as does any pain, it's not an experience I found terribly therapeutic or in any way something that I'll ever have a burning need for.  My problem is that even when this one piece is finished, it won't truly be done.  The piece deliberately has left itself open for continuation.  The artist had a further vision, but I've kind of put my own spin on that.  Either way it means that the art isn't finished yet, and won't be finished by this one piece.  It will look just fine the way it is, but I won't be happy until it's done!

The Dread Journey

When I started out this whole journey for dreads I had a massively different idea of what I was going to end up with.  I just knew I needed something different and easier to maintain.  I wanted something fun and unique.  I wanted something that was, well, me!  The whole journey of dreads was about doing something for myself.  It was about becoming something beautiful.  It was about doing something fun for me.

The first dreads were exactly what I wanted, soft, wooly, and a beautiful white color.  I spent hours hand-felting each one and hanging them up to dry.  We spent even more time installing them into my hair.  The whole process was quite an ordeal.  I expected this would be the end of it.  It would be that simple.  My hair was going to dread from those and it would be done.  My journey with dreads was over, and now just came the fun part of waiting and watching them grow.

For about a month everything went well.  I lost a dread here and there, but they were easy enough to install again.  The dreading was coming undone, but most of them were fine.  There were a few modifications, like the thinning out of the bangs and the splitting of a few dreads, but for the most part, that was it.  It was a month where I didn't need to spend more than a few minutes on my hair each day.  It saved me so much time and energy!

After the first month, things suddenly went downhill.  After just one shower (the time the previous dreads each fell out), I lost fifteen dreads!  I found a couple later that would have likely fallen out by the next shower if I hadn't gotten to them.  I had been so meticulous before about checking for broken elastics that I didn't expect such a massive loss all at once.  I had been checking for broken elastics!  This had never happened before.  It was time to make a painfully difficult decision.

My conclusion was to take all of the dreads out and just start over.  I would dread the hair, wait for it to mature, then felt the wool dreads back in.  The system wouldn't have been too bad.  It actually sounded pretty easy!  I went to work dreading, only to find that the sectioning was so incredibly crazy in some areas that it just wasn't going to work.  With the help of a friend, it was all torn out, dreading, woolies, and all.  It was a truly sad day.  I feel like I lost a piece of myself.

It took about a week before I was able to get back to my hair.  I had been given a couple bleach kits from a friend of mine.  I'd pulled out some old dye that I'd been hanging on to for a while.  I was going to go crazy with my hair, and then we'd dread it and put the woolies back in.

Bleaching my hair was interesting, as always.  We decided to bleach my boyfriend's hair as well so he can dye it a bright copper red.  Between the two of us, it was a day of lots of bleach and lots of dye!  I didn't realize quite how much hair I actually had until we were putting the bleach in.  It actually took more than one bleach kit to cover all the hair I needed to!  It's a good thing we decided to do my boyfriend's hair too!  I never expected short hair would take so incredibly much!  It seemed to take forever to bleach too.  I was terrified that my hair would be so dry and damaged that I wouldn't dare dread it.  Thankfully, everything seemed to turn out alright.  My hair wasn't completely fried as I feared it might be.

After that I showered and I set to dying again.  Normal people actually section the hair they want for each color, are careful not to mix dyes, and all of that.  That's not what I did!  I grabbed a section of my forelock and slapped in some blue.  Then I smeared some pink down the hair at the sides of my face.  These would be my bangs, or fringe, depending on where you live.  Then I went through the rest of it with purple.  I went back to get any little missed spots.  The dyes mixed a bit.  Nothing was exactly as it should have been.  I wasn't even sure it was even!  I didn't care!  I just knew how it needed to be, and that was how it would be.  I really felt like an artist in that moment.  It was an incredibly freeing moment of self-expression, of creativity.  I didn't hold myself back with expectations of perfection or anything of the like.  I didn't care if dyes mixed.  I was using my hair as a canvas, and no matter how it turned out, it would be beautiful!  You can actually see my carelessness in the photo to the left.  I got it all over my face in the process.  That's what you get when you just smear dye!

Washing it all out, I was quite pleased with the result.  I was given compliments on how incredibly even they were considering I just kind of went by gut instinct, not even by eye.  I was shocked at the incredible brightness of it all, the beauty.  It was everything I expected and a million times more.  I'd loved the white for the pure enlightening feeling it gave me, but white was just simple and pure.  This is wild, vibrant, and colorful!  This is the way an artist's hair should be!  This is the way an artist should be able to live!  It's self-expression in one of it's truest forms!

When I saw my hair, I was totally thrilled.  I felt more myself than I had in years.  No matter what color hair I've had, it's never felt quite as right as this slap-dash job of throwing dye in my hair in a crazy and chaotic manner.  It was beautiful.  Even leaving it to dry in whatever way it naturally fell (as you can see to the right), it just did it's own thing.  I have to admit, it kind of left me with a butch feeling, my short hair flying around in a boyish chaos.  It wasn't really what I wanted.  I had to keep reminding myself that my hair is still short.  It will still grow.  I had to remind myself that even the most feminine of women have their moments lacking femininity.  Short hair can be whatever you want it to be, all depending on what you do with it.  If I gave it the right style, I could have been happy with that hair style even without dreads!  Still, I had an idea I was going for and I couldn't wait to see it in practice.  I wanted my dreads back!

My friend came over not long after the dye job was done.  We attacked my hair with a blow dryer (well, I did while she watched...drying short hair is really a one person job...) and then we got ready to section.  As we'd learned before, working on dreads while children are present gets challenging, especially when our two families combine.  We knew we were in for it, which is why we decided not to get too ambitious.  We were just sectioning.  As she sectioned, I started dreading as much as I could without getting in the way.  I was rather surprised at the kind of progress we made, but we didn't get finished.  There just wasn't enough time.  I had to run off to dance class!  We did the best we could to get all the sections kept neatly where I wouldn't lose any of our hard work.  I must have looked pretty wild running around with lots of little clumps of hair, a few dreads, and some wild pigtails.  I actually think the look is kind of cute!  Were it more maintainable, I might have thought to keep it that way!

Complete with crazy hair I went, danced, and then went back to her house to finish up the sectioning.  We made some pretty good progress!  77 sections were completed that day and 51 dreads!  I just had 16 left for the morning, and then I would be done!  Of course, by morning my arms were exhausted.  My boyfriend actually stepped up and did the last 8 of them for me while we watched Taboo in our dining room.  By the end of it I looked like a crazy lady because the dreads simply wouldn't relax!  It's got to be all those elastics.  I have to admit, I kind of like the hair sticking up everywhere.  It's kind of crazy, wild, and punk!  You can tell the hair I sleep on because it's all compacted down on the sides, a lot less poofy than the rest of it.  I'm sure it will all relax down in time and look a whole lot more normal!  I'm also going to be busting the elastics out of the ends in a few days after the hair has really had a chance to settle in.  Probably a couple weeks after that I'll be busting the elastics out of the roots.  Then my dreads will just do whatever they naturally want to do, aside from maintenance, of course!  I want my dreads to be well manicured and beautiful.  I want them to be something I can be proud of.  That's going to mean a lot of work over time, but thankfully not the kind of work that beautiful loose hair takes!  I'm definitely over that phase of my life!

Now I'm throwing on a bandanna though.  It was cold without the woolies to keep me warm.  I don't want to put them in until I'm sure all of the excess dye has been bled out of my hair.  I don't want my hair sticking straight up either.  It's not an image thing.  It's just cold.  Having that much exposed scalp certainly doesn't help keep me warm!  I now the dreads will thicken over time and there will be less exposed scalp to freeze.  I know they'll be beautiful as they mature, getting more and more beautiful with each passing day.  Some day they'll stop doing their crazy stand on end thing, and by then it will probably be summer when I'd most wish they would!  For now, this is my dread's first day of life, the day before my anniversary with my boyfriend.  This whole process has really been a journey, an ordeal all it's own.  I can only imagine that with time it will continue to be a journey as my dreads mature and develop their own personality.  I'm excited for that future!  It seems like it truly is a bold, new day.  I can't wait to see what the future has to hold!

Making the Outside Match the Inside

Expression is a beautiful thing.  For me, my body is my art.  It's another way I can show my true colors.  To this point I've done this through body modifications (piercings and tattoos), flashy hair colors, and my own wonderful style.  It's just a part of who I am.

When I think about myself, I think of vibrancy, beautiful colors, happiness, love, and plenty of positive energy.  I think of myself as being rather bright.  As much as I used to be a Goth when I was younger, but now I'm realizing that all of that darkness just doesn't suit me.  I'm not a melancholy person.  I know I can be, but it's not the kind of self I wanted to be.  I want to express the lighter side of myself.

One thing I love about being an artist to my core is the ability to express myself.  I may not be able to do it on paper like so many painters and other artists do.  I can often do it through words.  However, more often than not, I thrive at self-expression, through dance, through appearances, through just being myself.  I love to write.  I love to move with the music.  I love the idea of using my body as a canvas.  It's just one more surface to explore vibrant colors and my wild nature.  It's just one more part of who I am.

I'm really looking forward to the changes that will be happening in my life.  I've got hair dye in right now after bleaching (I know...oh so healthy and natural!) and then we're going to be starting my dreads.  I'm excited.  When I'm done with that, I'm finally going to feel a lot more like the person I think I should be, and not just one more face that blends into the crowd.  It's not about standing out, it's about being true to myself.  It's about being a bellweather, perhaps not by inspiring other people to copy my wild style, but in encouraging others to be true to themselves, to act from their own heart, from that grounded place inside themselves.  I'm starting a new trend, and I'm even noticing that others are following along to.

This isn't about standing out, being different, or being wild and crazy.  This is all about being who I am, whether people accept that or not, whether they like that or not.  It's all about making the image on the outside match the beautiful picture painted within.

A Whole New World

I've heard to many times "that's just not how the world works."  People use that phrase every day.  "Life's not fair."  That one seems to be another favorite.  "People don't get what they deserve." "It's always the good that get punished." "Nice guys finish last."  These phrases pollute our daily life all the time.

Well, living healthy isn't just about eating the right foods, exercising, and taking care of yourself.  Living in a healthy way also includes having a healthy outlook on life.  It goes so much further than the surface!

You can take the greatest care of your physical body in the world, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.  If you hate your job, hate your home life, and feel that there's no way to succeed in the world, and that life is pointless, you're not going to benefit from the positive behaviors your fostering in eating well and getting enough exercise every day.  The goal is to be healthy, mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Only then can you truly live and be happy with your life.

Think of your lifestyle.  Are you happy with your job?  In my experience, that's the biggest cause for dis-ease within the body.  This is the biggest area that causes an unhealthy perspective.  If you're not happy with what you do for work, that trickles down into every aspect of your being.  It effects your home life, your energy level, your stress levels, and everything else.  It may not be easy to get a job that you love, but sometimes it's just a matter of writing down everything about your perfect job, then starting to look for one that will meet your requirements.  You never know what you might find!  Even just changing your perspective towards the aspects of your job you do like can change your whole work experience!  As much as you may hate your job, you may find that there are things you love about it too.  If you change your perspective, you may even find the things you love about your job far outweigh those you hate!  You were just blinded by the negative.

The same goes with other aspects of your life.  If you hate yourself and everything about yourself, of course you're not going to have any friends!  If you're so concerned with other people having things that you wish you had, then you're wasting time you could be spending going out and getting those things in your own life!  Jealousy is a huge distraction from getting on with your own life, for example.  In the end, stating that no one gets what they deserve is much the same.  Thinking that those who hurt others never get punished is rather short sited.  After all, you can only hurt so many people before you start running out of people who will put up with it.  It's a very lonely path that means constantly changing the people you surround yourself with.  Long term bonds of friendship simply can't exist!  That right there is a huge punishment.  If you're an overall good person, people will see that, and even if they leave your life because of some conflict started by another negative influence, more often than not they will come back in your life once they've realized they were wrong.  This is how long-term friendships are built, one of the greatest assets in life.  As for other things many people believe they "deserve", it's all a matter of working for it.  Yes, you may be a hard worker that deserves a great job, but you're never going to get it if you don't work for it.  You may deserve all kinds of recognition for some project you've been working on, but you're never going to get it if you stop working at it the moment you don't get recognition.  There's a reason they say good things come to those who wait.  Getting what you deserve requires a lot of patience.

As for that final one, nice guys may finish last, but competition isn't friendly.  Competition doesn't make anyone feel good.  It doesn't feel nice to lose.  Winning does feel great and all, but what's the point in winning?  Fame?  Accolades?  To be known as the best?  I'd rather be the last one across the finish line, but win in other ways.  So what if I may not have fought to be the top of my field or the best at everything I do.  I know that in the end I've spent my time making good friends and helping others in need instead of fighting to the head of the pack so I can be successful.  If I stand out and end up being known, notable, or famous along the way, so be it.  It's what needed to happen, and obviously it's a true mark of just being that good at what I do.  I don't need it, but if it happens, it's still nice.  As for the relationship front, well, most of the reason nice guys always finish last is because they don't have the courage to stand up, say how they feel, and risk being rejected.  It's always too easy to be seen as the one everyone can fall back on, but you've got to stand up for yourself and speak for yourself too!  Otherwise, you're not being nice, you're just being a doormat.

Living in a healthy and positive way also doesn't mean being nice to everyone all the time either!  It doesn't mean being truly selfless!  What good am I doing the world if I make sure my children are the happiest they could ever be if I'm miserable all the time?  What good does it do me to feed the starving people in the world if I end up wasting away to nothing due to malnourishment?  How can I help my friends become better people if I'm constantly letting them get away with being hurtful and negative towards me?  In the first case, if I'm always miserable, my children can never truly be happy.  They're going to know, and likely will blame themselves.  It's also possible that I'll just snap and turn everything on them, becoming not only an unhealthy influence, but also possibly upsetting my children far more.  It's better that they don't get everything they want and I take the time for me when I need it.  If I'm giving them a good example of being a healthy person, they're more likely to be healthy too.  In the second example, it's all well and good to feed people who can't obtain food of their own, but I can only do it for so long.  If I waste away and die, I become incapable of helping those in need.  In which case, they won't have anyone left to help them!  Better that I take care of myself first so I can help for as long as possible.  The long term benefits far outweigh the short term outcome of starving myself.  Another option would be to help these people find a way to obtain food for themselves while I can't afford to actually feed them.  Jesus was right, with that whole teach a man to fish thing.  The third example is perhaps the hardest for people.  No one wants to lose friends or see them walk away, but friendships are a two way street, as I'm often reminded.  If one person is expected to give and give, but the other never returns, that person is doing just as much damage as eating all your food!  They are taking away your time and energy, things that are very valuable for reducing your own stress and seeing that your own needs are met.  If they can't return the favor to have everything balance, they aren't a true friend anyway.

In short, to be happy you need to be healthy in every aspect of your life.  You need to learn when to say no, and not just to things you shouldn't eat!  You need to learn to stand up for yourself!  You need to look for the positive int he world around you, because there's a lot out there!  Being healthy goes so much farther than simply looking at what you eat and what you physically do.  Being healthy is a process for the whole being!

I Think I'm Well, I Think I'm Well

The power of thinking yourself into well being is great, in theory, but it's not so much working for me today.  There's got to be something with this wonky weather change.  It seems like everyone's getting sick with this weather, so I'm not surprised.

I've tried this "I think I am well, therefore I am well" mentality, but it doesn't so much seem to be working for me.  It's not that I doubt it works.  I just think there's a lesson to be learned in here, something I have to figure out, and being laid up for a bit might be the only way to learn it, or the only way I'll listen.  If nothing else, it's certainly been nice to lounge around all day, something I never get to do!

So much for starting off strong this week.  I guess I had some unknown need to start out slow and relaxed.  If nothing else, this whole experience has taught me that sore throats help me value tea!

Taking a Sick Day

Okay, I've been in denial for long enough.  I've got to admit it.  I'm sick.  It's not that blazing fever, in bed, can't do anything kind of sick.  It's that under-the-weather kind of feeling.  Symptoms?  Sore throat, achy head and joints, a little more sleepy than usual...

I know there's a couple of things that are leading up to me being sick.  Any time there is a major lifestyle change, you're more likely to get sick.  In my case, my lifestyle change has encompassed where I live, how I live, and my diet.  My whole lifestyle is changing, so it shouldn't be surprising that I'm getting sick.

I honestly can't complain about this one.  It could be a lot worse.  I could be sick and miserable, incapable of taking care of myself, yet still having to drag myself out of bed to deal with three kids.  In the overall spectrum of being sick, I'm really not that bad off.  I'm actually doing pretty well!

Unfortunately, I was planning to take today to start my new exercise regiment.  I need to get in shape.  It's not that I'm overweight or anything.  I'm actually under weight, but I need to find that sense of strength and stamina again.  I shouldn't be worn out after an hour of dance.  I need to get back on target here!

Well, I guess one day off isn't too bad.  I can always pick up tomorrow.  It's better to pick up when I'm feeling healthy than to try and start off when I'm not feeling well.  That's just asking not to get better, and further, it's asking to get worse.  Tomorrow's a new day.  We'll start again then.  I'll be better by tomorrow, I know it.

Dealing with the Blahs

Today is just one of those blah days.  I just feel like going back to bed and curling up under the covers.  There's just too much working against me today, and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle to want to do anything at all.

It's not that I'm blah for no reason.  I can easily make excuses for my every feeling.  It's so easy to write it all off and make it all acceptable.  For example, my throat hurts and my voice is scratchy.  Well, I had to talk loudly over the music at the event last night.  That always happens.  My back is aching, but that always happens "this time of the month", especially when I dance.  To deal with abdominal and commonly back cramps, I tend to let my pelvis drop too much and dance a bit too sway-backed.  I can blame my tired feeling on being woken up in the middle of the night by a baby that didn't want to sleep.  I could also blame it on the dull gray weather.  We've also been keeping our home temperature low, so everyone's a bit chilly.  It's great for saving energy, but paired with everything else, it can lead to a serious case of feeling blah.  On top of it all, the bigger the event, the more dead I feel the next morning.  It's like I somehow have to make up for all of that socialization, all of that work, and everything else.  In reaction, I kind of hide in my own shell.  I disappear for a while so I can recover.  I know I play a social, extroverted person really well, but the truth is I'm not like that at all.  That much dealing with people wears me out and I need a day to recover.

Today's mission?  I'm going to see if I can find something to do, be it unpacking, cleaning my house, or even exercising that helps to defeat this case of the blahs.  I don't just want to be sitting on my butt all day doing nothing.  That's not going to help me get out of these blahs.  On top of that, if I let myself stick in this blah feeling, I know it can persist for days.  I really need to clear out this blue funk before it sticks around for a moment longer than it needs to.

Maybe today can use my kind of low-energy funk for a purpose rather than trying to do something energetic anyway.  Perhaps I can do something artsy with my time.  I've got a lot of creative work that needs to be done.  This could be my cue to take the time and finally do it!

But...How Do Dreads Relate...?

I've been thinking about where I can make a home for my dreads in the blogging world for a while now.  I've got a number of blogs right now, possibly too many!  I'm really kind of trying to see which ones resonate with me and which ones don't.  I guess that's been part of the process with my dreads and my blog.  I need to figure out where they fall in the grand scheme of things.

So, why this blog?  Why is this the home for my dreading process, the journey my hair takes, and everything else?  What do dreads have to do with healthy and natural living anyway?

Well, that's kind of a complex subject.  Dreads are more than just a fashion choice.  They're more than just a hairstyle.  In many ways, dreads are a lifestyle choice.  They do take time to maintain.  They take a lot of effort and energy to put in.  The whole process isn't something you just do on a whim.  It takes a good deal of thought and consideration.  After all, why would you spend hours of time to put dreads in just to take them out again?  What about all the time it takes to get them out?  Then there's the cost for anyone who has them done at a salon, which can easily cost over $300.  That alone should be a deterrent for anyone who thinks they'll put them in to want them out a month or so later.  Dreads also take time to mature, so for the first few months, sometimes as much as the first year and a half, they're not going to look at all like the beautiful dreads of your dreams.  In many cases, they require maintenance and upkeep, unless you like the look of dreads by way of neglect.  This is a choice that takes a good deal of commitment.

On the subject of dreads being natural, in truth, they're the most natural thing you could do to your hair!  Think about it.  If you let your hair go without brushing it, without maintaining it, no conditioner or coloring and cutting, what is your hair going to do?  For most of us it will only be a matter of time before your hair begins to mat into one or several dreads.  I've actually seen a woman with one long dread down her back because her hair was so neglected.  Doesn't that kind of make the whole idea of dreading natural?  Yes, it may not be a case of just letting my hair do what it wants, but it's a natural process for hair.

As for healthy, I've heard a good deal of arguments that dreads aren't healthy because you don't wash them.  Well, I guess for some people that's entirely true.  There are the "dirty hippies" out there, and there are certainly a number of people who dread by neglect, not by choice, but by simple self neglect that get that end result of unclean hair.  However, most people with dreads do wash their hair.  However, instead of having to wash their hair several times each week, most people with dreads really only need to wash their hair once.  Often times that's just the roots cleaned with an organic bar soap and they only deep clean once every month.  That might be shocking for some who believe in showering once, sometimes even twice in one day!  Think of all that water getting wasted!

Did you know it may actually be healthier not to shower every day?  I remember being told by doctors when I was a teen that showering every day is actually bad for your skin and can weaken your immune system.  Our country has an obsession with sterilization and cleanliness which is actually reducing our bodies ability to cope with the diseases we come in contact with.  Here's another interesting tidbit, frequent washings with anti-bacterial soap kill off the good bacteria on our bodies, as well as leave almost twenty times more bacteria on our skin than we started with depending on the product!  Yes, the alcohol based ones do kill the bacteria, but that leaves our skin defenseless.  That bacteria is there for a reason.  We need it.  We use it!  If we didn't need it, it wouldn't be there!

As a result, showering less may actually be a good thing!  Of course, it's still good to clean your body after a work out and things like that.  No one wants to smell or actually be dirty, but for an average person's day of work sitting at a desk all day, there's no need to shower off the grime.  You haven't even gotten dirty!

In many cases, less frequent showers can be made up for in other means.  There's plenty of cleaners out there, like Dr. Bronner's, that can be used without ever needing to set foot in the shower or bath.  These save a good deal of money and our water supply!  It may seem foreign to wash your body with just a sponge bath, but these means are effective and healthy.  If they weren't, they would have been pulled from the market.  Washing hair with dreads can also be done in the same water conserving manner.  Many with dreads deep clean by soaking their dreads in a bowl of water mixed with baking soda and vinegar, sometimes including lemon or tea tree oil.  I even met one girl with dreads where that's all she did to clean them.  She never felt the need to go back and clean the roots unless she got really sweaty that day.

Another big question I've already gotten is whether or not my hair gets greasy.  Well, to be honest, it does.  My hair has always been the kind to get greasy unless well washed frequently.  I found when I kept my hair in braids that washing them out, they were a bit greasy and gross-feeling.  Taking out the wool extensions I've got to put in natural dreads, I'm finding the same to be the case.  The hair will get a bit more oily because most cleaners don't penetrate the dread well enough to wash out every last bit of oil.  However, a deep clean should take out most of the remaining oils in the hair, which is all that is really needed.

So are dreads healthy?  I think with all of that, they're definitely a healthy lifestyle choice!  Are they natural?  Of course?  Are they for everyone?  Definitely not.  My woolies have gotten me a lot of compliments all across town, but I've gotten some negative results too.  I'm sure going over to natural dreads is going to have much of the same results.  It's really a process, and in the earlier stages, I'm sure I'll be getting a lot more strange looks.  Dreads are not acceptable on all people for the work place either.  Many corporate environments take the stance that dreads on anyone other than an African-American man or woman is a choice of laziness, signifies something about their personal hygiene, or otherwise implies they will have poor work ethic.  This could be a challenge to overcome in the workplace.  People will treat you differently too!  Most people are very accepting, but that doesn't mean all will be.

Dreads require serious consideration, but if you believe the choice is right for you, take the several hours to put your dreads in, or do a handful at a time, and go for it!  It will be a healthy, natural choice for your hair that will simplify your daily routine!

So Much for Healthy...

Well, today was a healthy living fail.  I completely took everything I was working so hard on and threw it out the window.  That's not at all what I was intending to do!  I had this brilliant idea of getting into the swing of things in this new year, but I botched it.

Okay, so, it's not that big of a failure.  I ate out not once, but twice today.  I had soda not once, but twice.  I've kind of been running myself ragged with fixing my dreads, taking out the woolies and dreading the natural hair as well as all that business stuff.  I didn't really have time to eat.  I just grabbed something on the go.

Here's what I realized.  Whatever happened to a small being...well...small?  A small is now what used to be a medium when I was a kid!  Are they trying to kill us here?  Seriously, when I say small, I mean small!

I've also come to the conclusion that fast food doesn't fill me up the way real food does.  I mean, I get full pretty fast, but it seems I just don't stay full.  It's not long before I'm scrounging around for some kind of snack or whatever.  That's definitely not good for me.  I know my body well enough to know it's craving real nutrition, not just something to snack on because my stomach's empty.

Lesson learned, I won't be doing much of that anymore...

My Goal in 2011

Of all my blogs, I think this is the only one I'm going to write truly and 100% for me.  It's a chance for me to record my journey towards a healthier and more balanced person.  Hopefully it will also help me stay on track.

One of the things I promised myself in 2011 was to start a journal to record my own health and well-being and the changes I make in my lifestyle, diet, and home.  This blog, in particular, is going to focus on me, personally, and the journey I'm taking, from noticing trends in my diet, my problems with being underweight, and how these problems effect my mental and spiritual self.  It's hopefully going to be a marker of progress in my life as I focus on pushing towards a better life for myself, and in turn, a better life for those around me.

While I can only try to complete my goals of living allergy-free, being more active, and recognizing and moving on from the patterns that no longer serve me, I hope this record will help me stay on track.  I'll be turning thirty this calendar year, a point at which many people come to recognize the effects of the unhealthy parts of their lifestyle starting to take hold.  I want to mark this year with changes for the better, choices to counteract the things I've done in my past that might not have been the wisest.  I want to be in shape, have the energy to enjoy my time with my kids more, and to dance.  I'm tired of being the thin girl who hears several times each day how incredibly underweight she is.  I hate hearing everyone say I look like I'm too thin.  I know I am, and I know for many it comes out of jealousy.  Even so, it still bothers me.  Being under weight is can come with just as many criticisms and negative looks as being overweight, in some cases, even more so.

So this is my quest.  This is what I hope to accomplish during this calendar year.  If it goes well, I might continue it beyond that.  This might be the record of a life-changing event here!